I don’t dare, so I can’t
Fear of failure is common, even in people you didn’t expect it from. Nothing to be ashamed of. A mayor cutting a ribbon with trembling hands. Or a pop star who’s afraid she’ll trip over her dress on stage. But how do you make sure it doesn’t take over your life?
A little fear can be very helpful. Under pressure, most people perform better because it also helps them concentrate better. But for some people, that pressure is too great. They spontaneously clap or forget their text. It doesn’t seem like good for anything, but back in the day, these fear responses could save your life.
A lion in front of you
In prehistoric times you would not survive without fear. Any healthy person gets scared when he comes face to face with a lion. Today there is a very different kind of danger: a speech or an exam. But your body reacts as if there is a lion in front of you.
You create adrenaline; a substance in your brain that makes you alert. Your heart will pump harder to give your muscles more oxygen. So you can run or fight at any moment. Even a blackout is useful: If you want to survive, you can’t start thinking about what exactly is the best tree to climb. You just fly into the nearest treetop.
So while you sit neatly in your seat, your body is getting ready for action. You will tremble, blush, get sweaty hands. You may even get a stomachache and hyperventilate. There are two ways to deal with that fear. You can avoid the lion. For example, if you play guitar alone at home, you will not be as nervous as if you were playing in front of an audience. Or you learn to deal with your fear of failure. So that not your fear, but ù are the boss.
Stop doomsaying
The reason you get so nervous has to do with how you see such a situation. Suppose you have a driving test. You have the idea that you have to drive perfectly. As a result, you are sitting with your nose on top of everything and you are terribly tense. “Did I turn on my turn signal?”, “Should I pass that cyclist?” Because of all that stress, you miss something and you fail the exam. You will be even more nervous at the resit. “You see, I can’t do it, it went wrong last time too.” If you learn to think differently, you will react very differently.
One way to direct your thoughts is the G-thinking. There are 3 Gs:
- Event
- Thoughts
- Consequence
Let’s take a test as an example. First of all there is an Event, for example you don’t know a question. The Thought here is: “Oh dear, I don’t know, how stupid I am.” As a result, you panic and have a blackout.
While it is not at all surprising that you do not know a question. That doesn’t mean you’re stupid, or that you haven’t tried hard enough. You cannot change the Event. You still don’t know the question. But you can change your Thought in doing so. For example, think, “Oh dear, I don’t know. I learned really well for this test. It would be crazy if I suddenly don’t remember anything. It must be a difficult question, let me continue with the rest of the test.” The result is that you don’t panic, but leave the question behind for a while. You just answer the other questions And maybe later you can come up with an answer to that one difficult question.
relax
Teach yourself to relax. This can be done in many ways. For example with yoga, meditation or breathing exercises. Imagine that you are in a pleasant place, for example the beach or the forest. Or tense all your muscles and then relax them. Whatever you choose, make sure you get it right. You don’t have to be tense to practice this. If you do find yourself in a tense situation, it is easier to evoke peace.
Therapy
If you can’t get rid of your fear of failure yourself, you can get professional help. Your GP can refer you to a psychologist. This can teach you to look at exciting events differently. He can use cognitive behavioral therapy for this.
For a quick result, you can use a sedative. You get them from your doctor, but there are also homeopathic remedies for sale.
