The “saviour syndrome” is often concealed under the guise of generosity.
Wanting to help others, whether in good times or bad, is natural, and even desirable. Some, however, claiming their natural goodness, devote themselves entirely to others, to the point of damaging the relationship, whether in their couple, with their friends or their colleagues.
The savior always worries about others
He asks himself questions all day long about the fate of others, and thinks that they are lost in the advice or actions they undertake. Without waiting for anyone to ask him anything, he rushes to try to solve their problems for them.
A colleague who complains about his organization at work? The savior does not waste a second to create a table listing his tasks to better manage his time. Thus, he is not concerned with the real needs since he thinks he knows them and anticipates them.
He seeks gratification
Rejecting the savior’s help triggers a sense of panic in him and intense anger. He expects from his actions not only a thank you, but also a gratification and an appreciation of who he is and what he does. This is why the savior tends to seek the company of partners in difficulty to feel needed and admired.
If the person takes too much autonomy, the savior feels useless and seeks to weaken by derogatory remarks to come to the aid again. It’s a way for him to feel safe and regain control with people who have less power than him.
How to get out?
Becoming aware of this behavior allows you to ask questions about your own anxieties and your own imperfections. It can be a fear of failure, vulnerability or independence from others. By working on self-confidence and one’s own autonomy, preferably with a professional, it is possible to detach oneself from this self-assigned role of savior.
Find out more: “The savior syndrome. Free yourself from your need to help others”, by Mary C Lamia and Marylin J Krieger, published by Eyrolles
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