The least known situation of family violence is that of parents tyrannized by a child. In Montpellier, doctors offer specific care to families.
Faced with a tyrannical child, parents often remain silent. The shame of seeing the one we gave birth to take over is difficult to bear in public.
To break the taboos in these families in distress, programs have invaded the screens: Super Nanny, Pascal, the big brother, etc But next to these TV shows that take care of the staging, Montpellier University Hospital (Hérault) is testing specific support for these abused parents and their “tyrant children”. At the initiative of the project, the Dr. Natalie Franc, child psychiatrist, details for whydoctor this consultation.
A real family “tyranny”
Launched in November 2015, it is inspired by the work and program of “nonviolent resistance” (NVR) developed by Haim Omer, Professor of psychology at the University of Tel-Aviv (Israel). Today, it has about fifteen parents (as a couple or alone) who come together in a group that also includes two child psychiatrists and a psychologist. The children at the heart of the debates are between 5-17 years old and have a very particular profile.
We talk about child tyrants, explains Dr. Franc, when the family hierarchy is no longer respected. “That is to say when the parents no longer have the possibility in the home to decide or to lay down the educational rules that they wish”, she specifies.
Concretely, the “child tyrant” can take power in different ways. The most classic is direct, verbal or physical aggression against the parents, often during outbursts of anger. But there are also other processes, such as attacking the material of the house (breaking objects to which the parent is attached, for example). Sometimes the putsch within the house can even go through the threat of suicide or running away. For these little despots, nothing is excluded to achieve their ends…
Dr Nathalie Franc, child psychiatrist at Montpellier University Hospital : “ This profile is found more in children with attention or anxiety disorders. The risk increases in invested children (adopted, unique) … »
Often, tyranny sets in gradually and insidiously, even though the child has no behavioral problem outside the home, at school for example. This double face, presented by these young actors, obviously delays the identification and management of this unrecognized psychiatric disorder, but usually related to Oppositional Defiant Disorder (OPD). This is however “indispensable” and Dr. Franc calls for “absolutely” calling on specialized services for families who will recognize themselves in these patterns. “This is precisely the subject of our consultation”, she insists.
Get out of the closet first
Once this first step has been taken, Montpellier hospital practitioners can provide the first advice. For example, it is important not that the parents regain power by force: “it does not work at all, because in this case, we will be in an escalation of violence”, underlines this expert in behavioral disorders of the child.
Same failure when they try to resonate with the child with the dialogue, that is, by verbalizing or trying to understand it by constantly listening. “Over-communication isn’t too good with these kids, it makes the problem worse and puts the parents back into submissive patterns,” she says.
The “non-violent resistance” techniques to be applied must in fact recreate a balance, in a mode of interaction where the parent must remain calm and increase his presence with the child, “but without being in hyper explanation ( on what to do or not to do) or responsiveness”, advises the specialist.
Dr Nathalie Frank : “ Once we have destabilized the system, we can work directly with the children. In a second step, it will go through behavioral therapy or by treating their ADHD or OCD with medication… »
“This is the start of our consultation, to remobilize the parents, the rest of the care is more complex”, recognizes Dr. Franc. Subsequently, the doctors will indeed have to succeed in bringing their families out of the secret, in particular by pushing them to seek support from those around them, in order to destabilize the child or adolescent. Disrupting the family pattern that has been established over time therefore remains the essential mission of caregivers.
Thus, they hope to make the sovereign child understand that his parents are not alone and that they enjoy wide support. It is likely that the latter also feels a little guilt, but do not worry, it is one of the goals sought by the medical team.
Finally, as the entourage will let him know that he is aware of his behavior he will surely be a little ashamed. In the end, the result will be a weakened tyrant child and strengthened parents, enough to regain power and restore a normal family hierarchy.
From depression to restored confidence
A rebalancing of the forces present that it is urgent to restore “because his overly attentive parents almost all present depressive patterns and no longer have any parental confidence”, noted Dr. Franc. So, even if it is still too early to say if this support works, she is delighted that a small qualitative sample of parents already shows a feeling of improved parental competence.
And Dr. Franc is all the more optimistic that Professor Haim Omer has published conclusive studies on these groups and families using the same tools. “Thanks to this therapy, he was able to show a decrease in violent behavior and all aspects of regaining parental confidence,” she concludes.
Faced with a tyrannical child, parents often remain silent. At CHRU Montpellier – Official Page, a consultation has been set up to help families get out of the infernal spiral.
Posted by whydoctor on Tuesday, January 26, 2016
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