Everyone can change during a relationship, even the most inflexible characters.
If you cannot change your personality, you can completely start working on yourself and realize that certain habits or automatisms must evolve for the well-being of your couple. Asking the other to change must therefore be accompanied by a lot of patience and pedagogy.
Become aware of the problem
If one or both partners are suffering in the couple, and a request for change seems to be the solution, imposing it in an emergency can generate more anger and frustration in the end. This is why dialogue is fundamental to express the real expectation behind the request.
To do this, you can start by doing your own analysis by recognizing your wrongs and accepting change yourself. In this way you show your partner that you are ready to accompany him in a benevolent way without rushing him.
Ask rather than blame
The way you communicate to your spouse what bothers and hurts will have a considerable impact on his change. Giving ultimatums and blaming only by criticizing and blaming will have the opposite effect, and may even trigger his firm and definitive opposition.
On the contrary, by avoiding falling into the cycle of violence, it is preferable to put aside your ego to encourage a constructive debate based on requests, listening and empathy. By favoring honesty, no one lowers themselves in front of the other and makes decisions out of spite.
If the conflict has become inevitable, calling on a mediator such as a couple therapist can be the solution so that everyone can find their place and express themselves.
Find out more: “Who are these happy couples?: Overcoming the crises and conflicts of the couple” by Yvon Dallaire Poche, Éditions Poche.
.
