What causes less sex drive?
If we are to believe the media, everyone has a smashing sex life. Still, having less sex drive is common. Are you fine with that? Then it’s no problem at all. Does it bother you? Maybe you recognize yourself in one of these seven causes (and you can do something about it).
You may have the idea that you have to ‘get’ a minimum number of times a week, but of course you don’t have to. Everyone’s sexual needs are different, there is no normal amount of sex drive. Some people just don’t have any lust. In addition, your libido can be temporarily lower for various reasons. If your decreased libido bothers you, there is often something that can be done about it.
1. Stress
Stress is a notorious libido killer. A little tension keeps you sharp and alert, but tension that lasts for a long time makes you tired and irritated. If you have a lot of worries due to financial problems, a sick child, work stress or an unpleasant event, then sex is the last thing on your mind. Relax some more.
2. Sleep Problems
Do you often go to bed late or do you have to get up very early? Do you have trouble falling asleep or do you keep waking up during the night? Sleep problems make you feel tired and fatigue causes loss of libido.
A regular schedule can help you sleep better: get up around the same time every day and go to bed at the same time every day. Provide a dark, cool bedroom and only use it for sex and sleeping. Do not drink alcohol or drinks with caffeine in the evening and turn off all luminous screens (television, smartphone, computer and tablet) an hour before going to bed. Exercising early in the evening can improve your sleep, but exercising late in the evening keeps many people awake.
3. Gloom
If you’re gloomy, you probably don’t feel like anything. No wonder you don’t feel like having sex. Gloom is often temporary, but it can turn into depression. Depression often leads to a decreased libido: you no longer enjoy any activity and you have no energy to do anything. Even if you are anxious or insecure, it can affect your sex drive.
Although life seems hopeless when you’re depressed, don’t think there’s no treatment. Six out of ten people with depression have recovered within six months. So ask your doctor for help if you’ve been feeling down for a long time.
4. Medical Causes
All kinds of physical causes can ensure that making love is a lot lower on your wish list. Chronic diseases, for example, such as rheumatism, diabetes and cardiovascular disease. The same goes for pain, erection problems, low testosterone, menopause, being overweight and fatigue. Or after a heart attack you no longer dare to have sex.
Certain medications have a potential side effect of loss of libido, including antidepressants, the birth control pill, and medications for high blood pressure. Other treatments (surgery, chemotherapy or radiation) can also reduce the need for sex. A smaller dose or switching to another medicine may help: discuss this with your doctor.
5. Children
Having a child has a major impact on your relationship. Suddenly you are no longer just partners, but above all parents. This can make you less interested in sex. Moreover, you probably sleep a lot worse when you have a baby and raising children costs you a lot of time and energy.
Try to make some more time for each other. Arrange a babysitter and plan an evening where you can be together undisturbed. Scheduling sex doesn’t sound very romantic, but it can still work.
6. Relationship Problems
One of the main libido killers is a problem in your relationship. Poor communication, arguing a lot, not trusting your partner: it all does your sex life no good. Especially for women, feeling loved is an important condition for feeling lust. Consciously make time for each other and discuss your problems. Do more together, including activities that have nothing to do with sex. If you cannot find a solution together, you can enlist the help of a relationship therapist.
7. Your own beliefs
Fear, insecurity, shame, or certain beliefs can get in the way of your need for sex. Some people have all kinds of prejudices or ideas about sex that take away their lust. Beliefs from their upbringing or culture, but also ideas such as that making love should always happen spontaneously, men always feel like it or that you have to come per se.
Being afraid that someone will hear you or that making love will hurt or that your erection will disappear quickly can play a role. You may fear pregnancy or a sexually transmitted disease. Being ashamed of your body or your feelings can make you prefer to avoid sex. Do such problems play a role for you and you can’t solve them yourself, then you can contact your doctor. You may find it a difficult topic to talk about yourself, but they are common issues that really don’t bother your doctor.
Sources):
