About self-gratification and ejaculation
We prefer not to talk about sex. But in the anonymity of the internet we look for answers to frequently asked questions. We asked GP and sexologist Peter Leusink four frequently asked sex questions.
1. Do women often pretend?
I’ve had two men in my life. I never managed to have an orgasm, so I always pretended. My partners never noticed. Now that I’m nearing the end of my life, I’m wondering: Is this more common in women?
Peter Leusink: “You’re probably not alone. Not much scientific research has been done on this, but in a study of college students in the United States, half of the women sometimes found a to fake orgasm. I don’t know how many women do that all their lives. I think it’s brave of you to ask yourself that question. Do you have an idea why an orgasm failed? I think a lot of women your age have grown up with the idea that an orgasm should come during intercourse. However, it turns out that for most women, clitoral stimulation is a much more powerful way to climax. In addition, an orgasm requires a bit of selfishness. You have to be able to shut yourself off from the partner for a while and get lost in the maelstrom of lust.”
2. Why am I satisfying myself?
My husband has been ill (dementia) for years and we have not had intercourse for a long time. Two months after his death, I developed a physical desire for sex. I even found myself satisfying in my sleep. I’m confused because this really doesn’t belong to me. Is it a normal reaction? What can I do about it?
Peter Leusink: Sexuality encompasses needs for intimacy, connection, and emotional satisfaction as well as physical needs for arousal and satisfaction. Now that your body is resting after an intense period of illness and the death of your husband, what you describe is a completely normal reaction. You may not know it about yourself and usually shared it with your husband. But now that you are alone, I would allow it and enjoy it. You’re not hurting anyone, not even yourself.”
3. What is the best lubricant?
Can you tell me what the best lubricant is? Silicone-based lubricants seem chemical to me and then there can be fungal infections originate? My wife and I have a water-based lubricant from the pharmacy, but it is quite expensive.
Peter Leusink: “Most people find silicone based lubricants the most comfortable. It is very soft and does not absorb into the skin. A water based lubricant does and therefore wears off faster.
Silicone lubricant is not harmful: it does not absorb into the body and does not increase the risk of infections. The advantage is that it is also for massage of the skin can be used. A disadvantage can be that it stains the bedding. It is best to try different lubricants. You and your partner will then automatically make a good choice.”
4. The older, the fewer ejaculations?
erections are not a problem, but ejaculations have been with me for a while now. This disappointed me and my partner. Is this common in old age?
Peter Leusink: “In old age, the ejaculations less powerful and the volume is also less. However, healthy older men are still able to ejaculate. Just to be clear: an orgasm and ejaculation are two different things. This usually coincides with the man, but it does not have to be. Sometimes men do have an orgasm but no ejaculation. This has to do with disorders of the bladder neck, in which the sperm does not go out but towards the bladder. This can occur after keyhole surgery in the bladder or with diabetes. Certain medicines can also prevent ejaculation, especially with medicines against an enlarged prostate, sometimes also with anti-epileptic medicines. And as a result of antidepressants, but then the feeling of orgasm is often also inhibited.
I assume you can still have an orgasm. So what’s so problematic? A dry orgasm means less ‘cleaning work’. I would say, every disadvantage has its advantage.”
Sources):
- Plus Magazine
