The wheel of emotions is a tool directly inspired by the Nonviolent communication (CNV) by Marshall Rosenberg. This wheel allows us to become aware of our emotions and helps us to verbalize them. We can thus more easily explain our emotions to others in order to avoid unsaid, too often at the origin of situations of misunderstanding or conflict.
Better express what we feel
By appointing his emotions and his needs, we put them at the “good distance”, so as not to perceive them as invasive and unpleasant. It is already a form of management of negative emotions. Fortunately, emotions can of course be positive and comfortable.
The wheel of emotions makes it possible to expand your emotional vocabulary. We choose the emotion that we feel, then, using the tool, we qualify it with the adjective that is best suited. This helps us to raise awareness what we feel by putting just words on the corresponding emotions. Thus, we express otherwise, with more precision, what is happening in itself.
In his approach to nonviolent communication, Rosenberg highlighted that any emotion corresponds to one or more needs, satisfied or dissatisfied. Being aware of the needs associated with your emotions makes it possible not to undergo them, but rather to appease them and use them as an energy source at the service of an appropriate action.
An emotion is a sign, an alert. Imagine yourself behind the wheel of a car. The indicator of your fuel gauge starts to flash on the dashboard. You deduce that you need to quickly find a service station to refuel. To be content to name the emotion without reacting, it would be to be informed of the fact that the tank is almost empty and to continue quietly on its way, as if nothing had happened!
It is sometimes difficult to express your emotions in front of others, because everyone does not live events in the same way. However, sharing your emotions is often salutary; When they are negative (anger, bitterness, fear, etc.), this can avoid unfortunate consequences.
How to use the wheel of emotions?
In the 1970s, the work of Paul Ekman made it possible to identify universal primary emotions; These are joy, surprise, fear, anger, disgust and sadness. But when an emotion invades you, avoids choosing one of these six basic emotions, which are located in the center of the wheel. They are far too general and, in fact, roughly translate your real feeling.
Get out from the center of the wheel, passing to the second circle, then to the third. By wondering, you will then be able to specify with more finesse the true emotion that you felt.
Do you want a concrete example?
Imagine that you are in a tense professional situation. You hope to receive a promotion from your manager, but in the end, your colleague is chosen. This decision necessarily triggers a strong emotion in you.
But what do you feel precisely? Anger, fear, surprise or sadness? You could be surprised by your manager’s decision, or feel a big sadness to miss this opportunity. But, for our demonstration, let’s start from the principle that your dominant emotion is anger.
Then goes to the next level on the wheel of emotions. What causes this anger? Do you feel frustrated, injured, hateful, critical or threatened? This reflection could reveal to you that you feel threatened by the favorable opinion that your manager seems to have for your colleague.
It only remains to specify the effect of this threat: do you feel insecurity or rather jealousy in relation to this decision?
- If it is insecurity, a frank discussion with your manager could reassure you about your role and your prospects in the company.
- If it is jealousy that you feel, it is important to face it in a constructive way. Is it an dissatisfaction with your own performance or a real feeling of injustice in front of the way in which the promotion was awarded? It may also be a combination of the two …
In conclusion
The wheel of emotions allows you to dig to examine with more precision the emotion that crosses you, which helps everyone – you including – to better understand the situation to avoid possible conflicts.
Emotions, when named can be an extraordinary source of information. And when they are verbalized, they can act like a compass and indicate the right direction.
It is important not to try to hide or repress your emotions, even at work, because the emotions are not virtual. They exist in you and, when they are negative (as in this example), they tend to sink to change in resentment or, worse, in hatred.
