Children can sometimes disappoint their parents, and that’s normal: it’s part of their identity building within the family.
Disappointing one’s parents may be necessary to empower oneself. If the relationship between the child and his parents begins with a form of dependence, empowerment, even if late, is necessary for the construction of personality and can go through a feeling of disappointment.
Why can parents be disappointed with their child?
Every parent builds the arrival of a child by asking themselves the question of the child they themselves were and what they want to be as parents. For his part, the child grows up in a relationship of dependence and can long be blinded by the personality of his parents without being able to free himself from it and find his autonomy.
Most often during adolescence, but sometimes later, children must dare to disappoint and betray in order to detach themselves and build their adult identity. This essential step can be a source of conflict before everyone can find their place.
What can we do as parents?
Accepting that your child is not a self-clone but that he does have his own personality and independence allows you to demerge without abandoning your offspring. As parents, the priority must be to listen to the needs of their child, without protecting them too much or letting them go too much, but finding a happy medium in the relationship, allowing them to move forward in the construction of their identity.
Find out more: “Betraying to grow up: Dare to disappoint your parents to finally live your life” by Élisabeth Darchis and Alberto Eiguer.
