Developmentally, children begin to recognize the concept of gender between the ages of 2 and 3.
Have you noticed that your child is questioning their gender identity, but you don’t know what to do? The first thing to keep in mind is that your child is certainly not too young for this, so don’t underestimate their feelings. Indeed, as child and adolescent psychiatrist Dr. Jason Lambrese reminds us in an article on the subject : “Developmentally, we know that children as young as 3 years old begin to understand and recognize the concept of gender. So it should come as no surprise that at a young age, they begin to think about their own gender.”
Do not confuse sex assigned at birth with gender identity
This may seem basic, but it is essential to start by using the right words to talk to your child, and not to confuse gender identity with the sex assigned at birth. For the latter, it depends largely on anatomy: the doctor declares the baby girl or boy depending on whether it has a vagina or a penis. But as it grows, this assigned sex may not match the child’s gender identity, which corresponds, in a way, to what it is inside.It is the way he conceptualizes his own gender as being masculine or feminine, or neither, or both.“, specifies Dr. Lambrese. In this logic, the terms cisgender, transgender, non-binary or even non-fluid gender must be mentioned. It should be remembered here that gender identity is also not linked to sexual orientation.
Show your child that they have the right to choose their gender identity
“We tend, often unconsciously, to categorize children by pushing them in a certain stereotypical direction, towards “boy things” or “girl things.”notes Dr. Lambrese. Instead, when you go to the store together to buy a new toy, for example, you could say to your child, ‘Do you want to look in the truck aisle or the doll aisle? Or we could look at both!‘”. In short, forget all the gender stereotypes that are still too widely conveyed by society. By letting your child choose what he wants, you are already helping him explore his gender identity.
Another tip: create an environment of acceptance in the family circle. How? By speaking positively about gender identities and sexual orientations at home. The psychiatrist emphasizes the importance of normalizing all queer identities. He also advises using non-sexist terms as much as possible, such as “friends” or “people” instead of “boys” or “girls.” Don’t hesitate to take the time to deconstruct with your child the clichés conveyed by society, such as “girls play with dolls and boys play with cars,” or “boys don’t cry.”It is important that you have these types of conversations on an ongoing basis.“, specifies the specialist.
Love and support, no matter what!
Several studies, here And thereshow that transgender youth are more likely than their cisgender peers to suffer from mental health issues like depression, anxiety and suicidal ideation, but that parental support can make a big difference.Make sure your child continues to hear that you support them and that if they want to talk about something, you are there to have those conversations with them.”, concludes the expert.
Talking kindly about gender identity and sexual orientation with your child is also a public issue: in 2023, anti-LGBTQ+ acts increased by 13% compared to 2022 in France. It is therefore more than necessary to educate our children, who, let’s not forget, will make the society of tomorrow.
