Whether you go with your nuclear or extended family, this choice of vacation has as many advantages as disadvantages. For psychotherapist Benjamin Lubszynski, the key is to alternate moments of sharing and moments of freedom.
Listening to yourself above all. This is recommended by the psychotherapist Benjamin Lubszynski to choose your vacation mode. Thus, if it is advisable not to force oneself to leave with one’s family, gathering with one’s loved ones can present a number of interests, such as getting closer to each of the members and discovering the others. The keys: deal with moments of sharing and times of freedom, organize activities together and take stock once the holidays are over.
How to manage relationships well during family vacations?
What is good is to have rallying times. This can be during the evening or midday meal, or during a visit, for example. Then, it depends on each person’s situation and the age of the children, but if we force teenagers to do everything we do, they will be unhappy, and everyone will have a bad holiday. The idea is to share family moments and, the rest of the time, to have real free time to avoid a form of resistance from everyone. Why oppose collective time and that of freedom?
I think it’s the right benchmark to have to avoid arguments. There is one thing that you really need to identify in family relationships: certain behaviors are self-sustaining. The more you force your child to get up at 9 o’clock, the more he will arrive late because he will feel too much pressure, will think that you don’t understand anything… The stricter you are, the more he will disobey. You have to withdraw from some fighting and find activities outside the conflict zones.
Why is doing family activities especially important during the holidays?
Parents very rarely do one-on-one activities with their children: it’s a shame, because it’s an opportunity to bond with them, outside of combat zones. This prevents children from perceiving their parents as the only block ‘dad and mom’. The holidays can be an opportunity to do fun activities, in which there is a real sharing.
For parents, it’s time to take a step towards their children and find something they really like, dependent on revenge. We can take the time to get to know our children, which we are not necessarily used to doing in everyday life.
What are the advantages of going as a family?
Most people are terrified of going on vacation alone: many single people don’t do it or less because, for them, they need at least a friend to go. To me, that’s a pretty basic fear. So I think there’s a protective side to leaving with your family: you take a bit of home, you’re not alone. I’m not saying that’s a good thing or a bad thing, but the fact is that it’s better than not leaving. Moreover, it is economical: when there are several of you in the same place, you make money.
The other positive point is that it can be an opportunity to experience new things, to get to know each other as a family outside of restrictive situations, at times when portfolio management is less important, when you don’t have to time be on time for everything. To quote the main character of the film Alexander the Blessed, ‘You have to take the time to take your time’. This relationship to time allows you to truly meet your family; I think it’s important, especially since it creates a security situation.
Is there a particular issue?
For many, family time is essential; it is a building time. For a very long time, going on vacation did not mean going with the family; we only saw his parents for the holidays and the significant events of the year. This allows you to have more time with the people you love – when you love them. Then, for the couple, it is often a moment of rapprochement: this is why the birth rate peaks occur 9 months after the summer holidays.
On the one hand, it’s a bit sad: it shows that you can’t bring this sweetness into your personal life. At the end of the vacation, you should ask yourself what worked and what didn’t. Then ask yourself: ‘What are the positive elements that I want to bring into my daily life?’. You have to keep those who walk in relationships with your loved ones: there are many families who have traditions on vacation, but not the rest of the year.
Despite the pros, what are the cons of family vacations?
Holidays are above all synonymous with reunions. But the downside is that it’s not because it’s about your family that you support it: if you find it hard to be with your parents, your sister, your brother, or his cousins, why martyr himself? Already, when we leave, wherever we go, we always carry ourselves. If in addition we take our family, don’t we reproduce the same life in another landscape, finally?
Two things can be overwhelming. On the one hand, we define our way of being and our needs according to the group. Thus, we find ourselves doing what he wants us to do, rather than listening to his desires. That’s what’s very boring with the family: they always want us to play the same role, make us wear the same mask. This can be heavy, especially since one of the benefits of the holidays is to be able to be yourself and not have to play the same role as usual.
In addition, leaving with the family can lead to excessively heavy logistics. We talk a lot about the mental load and the emotional load: when you’re a woman and you organize everything for the whole family, preparing real meals three times a day, making sure everything goes well, ultimately it’s a vacation for everyone except the organizer. In families, the logistician is the one who has no holidays; often it’s the – well, ‘la‘ – same. Do we really want to go on vacation to serve others, or do we also have the right to rest?
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