For psychiatrist Dirk De Wachter, we no longer give enough space to personal misfortunes and sorrows, which have become taboo and undesirable in what he calls the “happiness society”.
Why doctor – Why have published the book “The art of being unhappy” (Editions La Martinière)?
Dirk DeWachter – I decided to write this book following the identification of the following paradoxical observation: happiness is displayed everywhere on social networks, while I receive more and more people who are unhappy within my office. The number of psychiatric ailments has also been increasing considerably for several years. When I started working, the DSM-3, which lists all mental illnesses, had about a hundred pages. Today, the DSM-5 does more than 300.
What do your patients mostly suffer from?
Anxiety, depression, fatigue and loneliness. Often I get people who haven’t spoken to someone face-to-face in years.
What are they asking you?
Generally, they are not really aware of the origin of their discomfort and want me to prescribe them a pill to be happy. To which I reply that medication, without change of life, is not enough.
When did the advent of what you call “the happiness society” come about?
The injunction to happiness is a trend that has gradually taken hold in Europe, Japan and North America over the past thirty years.
Why do you think the fact of always having to show that you are happy on social networks is problematic?
Showing only what is going well prevents people from sharing their difficulties with others, which is essential to confronting a problem and digesting it. It feels like having worries isn’t normal, when even if you’re very lucky in life, you’ll always have unpleasant things to go through.
Social networks also unfortunately suggest that happiness can be bought, because Internet users are constantly displaying their material goods: their most beautiful villa, their most beautiful car, their most beautiful holidays, etc. However, if money is important for living, the foundation of happiness is not found in consumption but in relationships.
What do you think of personal development, very fashionable in France?
The word “personal” bothers me. These are approaches that are too centered on the individual, whereas I think that human beings deeply need others to be happy.
What do you recommend to be well in his head?
I first invite everyone to reflect on their life in order to find their own balance, without necessarily relying on outside advice.
I then recommend, in case of discomfort, to identify the problems from which we suffer and to verbalize them with our loved ones (and not with a virtual community, as important as it is): friends, colleagues, family, spouse, etc. ..
The last essential basis of a balanced life is to see the people who love us for real. Nothing beats real contact – a hug, a look, a smile – even though social media often leads to the opposite. During my career, for example, I have met people with severe disabilities who were happy because they were well surrounded. Conversely, I see a lot of patients in good physical health but mentally unwell, because they do not weave any human connection in real life.
What should be changed in our Western societies?
I don’t think we necessarily need to train more psychiatrists, but rather ensure that we are all a little more attentive to our loved ones.
A word in conclusion?
I hope that the collective awareness that we all need to see our loved ones in real life, triggered by the anti-Covid confinements, will survive the end of the health crisis.
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