Recently I found out that my father has Alzheimer’s. He lives alone after my mother passed away 6 years ago. He has a girlfriend for 1 year. The doctor wants to keep him at home as much as possible, but his girlfriend and I find this difficult. How should this proceed?
Anonymously
Hilke Robijn, medical sociologist
Alzheimer’s disease is a very long process of saying goodbye to each other. Dementia is a disease in which various brain functions deteriorate. This causes problems with memory, speaking and understanding, performing actions, recognizing things and people, making plans and organizing. Behavior and mood can also change. Someone with dementia can hide their shortcomings for some time in the beginning.
Little by little
After that, problems arise in daily life, in the household and with the environment. You will undoubtedly have noticed this with your father. This process is gradual: something will always disappear and you will recognize less and less the familiar personality that you have known all your life. So you always say goodbye to the person who has always been dear to you.
This period lasts on average six to eight years, after which it is often better to have the patient admitted to a nursing home. There is no cure for Alzheimer’s disease yet. However, a medical specialist can slow down the process with medication in the initial stage.
Start period
Caring for someone with Alzheimer’s disease is tough. Someone with early Alzheimer’s may especially need guidance. He can do a lot by himself, but needs help, for example, with choosing clothes or with shopping.
The patient is still quite capable of being left alone in his own environment for a few hours a day. This will certainly apply to your father. For safety, measures can be taken, for example with regard to driving. You can request connection to a central alarm system and/or have your father wear a name tag.
Furthermore, it is good for you to realize that someone with Alzheimer’s disease is ill and cannot do otherwise, although it sometimes seems that he is not doing his best. Provide a quiet and regular life that is not too boring and takes place in a familiar environment.
Activities
Let your father do things that he still can. Also try doing some board and memory games with him. Regular exercise is also important. Take him for a walk or bike ride or maybe he likes to swim. Ask simple questions and give simple assignments. Do not always try to correct or contradict him. That irritates and makes you insecure.
Make a weekly schedule, this gives your father something to hold on to, but is also good for dividing the tasks among the carers. Even though it is emotionally difficult, try to discuss important matters with your father such as his will. Especially now that it’s still possible.
Think of yourself
I want to end with the following advice. Those involved around the patient, such as family members and carers, must ensure that they themselves get enough rest. It is important that they take enough time and space for themselves. Keep up your hobbies and maintain your social contacts.
Support from others is indispensable. You tend not to mention the diagnosis of Alzheimer’s, but it is important to discuss the problems openly and make clear agreements about the division of care. Your GP can be an important point of contact. There are also discussion groups in which information and support is offered. The foundation Alzheimer Netherlands offers a lot of information.
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