Big age difference in relationship

I am a young woman, 20 years old and madly in love with my boyfriend who is 44 years old. I get a lot of criticism from the outside world; everyone has their verdict ready. It’s obvious that they don’t like it and don’t trust it.

However, we are very much in line. I have a stepdaughter and we want another child together. Now over time I still get a lot of criticism and I start to have doubts. Does a relationship with such a big age difference have a chance of success?

Anonymously

Henriëtte Schoones, sexologist

In my practice I regularly see couples with a large age difference. The most common obstacles I encounter are that you have to be able to accept a lot of criticism from the outside world, because this kind of… relationships not be readily accepted. It does not fit with our social norms.

Another major stumbling block can be the lack of the foundation of common childhood and youth experiences that you can fall back on later. If you have a partner of the same generation, you can go back to the same phase that you have behind you, think of music from a certain period or certain events.

Furthermore, the difference in the age of friends and your social network can become a problem. When your partner’s friends come to visit, they talk about different topics than your friends because they are in a different stage of life.

Due to the large age difference, health can become a concern at a moment’s notice. The younger partner is then more likely to assume the role of the caregiver. When the age is the same, there is a greater chance that mutual care will remain in balance.

You can overcome these obstacles by discussing your feelings and insecurities to communicate. The relationship expectations and needs must match. If that is in agreement, you can overcome obstacles and doubts.

Do you also have a question? Then ask one of our experts. Always go to your doctor with urgent questions, the experts are not the right person for that. They also do not diagnose. You can find the other conditions here.

Henriëtte Schoones specializes in sexual and relationship problems. She has her own practice for sexology and relationship Therapy in Tiel and works as a sexologist in the Rivierenland Hospital in collaboration with the gynaecologists. She answers all kinds of questions that arise within a relationship.