“Anorexia is a terrible illness, but we can overcome it”

“Anorexia nervosa is a terrible, long-term illness that kills. But we can get through it.” If Sophie Pigasse, 51, pronounces her words with confidence, it is because she managed to overcome this eating disorder (TCA) which leads to drastically reducing her diet to lose weight, several years ago.

“I was self-conscious and thought I was a little fat”

As with many anorexics, the disease entered Sophie’s life as a teenager, without her immediately realizing it. It was the early 90s and magazine covers and catwalks were full of glorified thin models. “I was self-conscious and thought I was a little fat.”remembers the fifty-year-old. The complexes took root permanently after a doctor told her that she had to lose a few kilos… when she was 16 years old and weighed 53 kg for 1m61.

“When I talk about it today, doctors are hallucinating because weighing 53 kg for 1m61 is completely correct”confides Sophie. But even if the advice was inappropriate the damage was done. “I already felt a little covered up. But with a doctor telling me that, it obviously made things worse.”

Another element that fueled the high school student’s discomfort at the time: “I also had a feeling of inferiority compared to one of my brothers who was preparing for the ENA exam. Without realizing it, my dad, who was passionate about history and politics, and him , only talked about that at the meal and I didn’t feel at home.”

Anorexia: “The problem is that the more I lose weight, the more beautiful I find myself”

After a language stay at UNITED STATES during which Sophie gained 6 kg, the young girl plunged fully into the world of diets and the search for slimness. “I started the “Weight Watchers meetings” when I returned from the USA. It really helped me. I really felt in my element… except that I quickly lost control and couldn’t stop .”

“The problem is that the more I lose weight, the more beautiful I find myself. I find myself very, very beautiful at 40 kilos and even more so at 35”recalls the author.

Little by little, the quantities on Sophie’s plate were reduced and the list of prohibited foods grew. To the point that the teenager only ate cabbage, carrots and radishes. “I had read that carrots and radishes did not cause weight gain and I noticed that when I ate a can of cabbage the day before a consultation, my stomach was swollen on the big day. I had the impression that it made me gain a few grams on the scale during the appointment.”

In addition to her food deprivation, Sophie also lost interest in school and isolated herself, while playing a lot of sport. “Little by little, I become depressed, angry and I scar myself”she remembers.

Hospitalization: “I weighed 34 kilos then”

His parents were quickly concerned by his significant weight loss, his isolation and his increasingly apparent discomfort. Appointments with doctors and specialists, consultations at the teenagers’ home… they took many steps, but Sophie remained in denial about the illness.

“When we went to the teenagers’ home where we saw several young anorexic girls, my mother was upset, she cried when she left and I asked her what was wrong with her. I then told her that I didn’t want to standing there, the girls were extremely skinny, I didn’t realize I was like them.”remembers Sophie.

The other difficulty the destitute family had to face was silence. “Anorexia was a very taboo subject 30 years ago. And there were very few structures. If now there are associations or support groups to help parents, there was nothing to The luck we had – if you can put it that way – was that one of my great-uncles was a doctor at the Caen University Hospital and knew the disease very well. My mother often called him for advice. . But otherwise, no one We didn’t talk about this type of subject with family and friends. It was really difficult.”

While the family tried to find the right help, Sophie’s scale numbers continued to drop dangerously. “I let go one evening. I had no more strength and had to be urgently hospitalized. I weighed 34 kg then.”

Mental health: “The music of Jean-Jacques Goldman has always helped me”

Sophie then had to face a new ordeal: hospitalization. “It was an obstacle course. I was cut off from the world. There was a weight contract to respect: 40 kg to see my loved ones, 45 kg to go home. I was locked in a room alone. “ These first days were marked by anger, frustration and despair. But finally, the young girl had the click: she only weighed 32 kg then. “With my hand, I went around my leg and I realized how thin I was.”

With the help of the clinic team “Attentive and exceptional healthcare professionals”the young anorexic girl gradually learned to eat again and regained the desire to live. The other element that helped him get through this dark period: music. “And more particularly that of my idol Jean-Jacques Goldman. My father sent me a walkman with cassettes. The music of Jean-Jacques Goldman has always helped and supported me in difficult times. Anorexia has not no exception.”

Over the weeks, the teenager regained the strength and weight necessary to keep her away from mortal danger. She was finally able to leave the center after 4 months of hospitalization. While it was a victory, it did not mark the end of the fight.

“At the hospital, the medical team is at our side. Meals are prepared by dieticians and brought on a tray. There is nothing to do. At home, we are all alone. We need a time to get back on track.”

Treatment of anorexia: “What saved me… meeting the right psychiatrist”

Sophie had more difficult years afterwards, marked by another facet of TCA: binge eating, but also by a suicide attempt, devaluation, lack of self-confidence…

“What saved me: it was the doctors, the treatment, Jean-Jacques Goldman, the support of my family, but also the meeting with the good psychiatrist. Brigitte Remy followed me for 15 years. I had consulted 7 or 8 before her, we mainly talked about weight and food. I didn’t get along with her, we talked about everything: music, literature, family… We obviously talked about illness, but not only that. …I could confide, I had confidence in her. I owe her a lot.”

“There were ups and downs during the 15 years she followed me. But I got over anorexia and ED.”

Prevention of EDs: “my mom told me to make it my fight”

Studies, professional life, children… Sophie continued her life without anorexia. Then, the Covid-19 pandemic occurred. She then learned that the mental health of young people had greatly deteriorated during this period. She also discovers other frightening figures: more than a million people are affected by TCA in France and these pathologies are the second cause of premature mortality among 14-25 year olds. She then tells herself that her journey can help these adolescents in difficulty. She wants to raise awareness about this disease, certainly less taboo than thirty years ago, but still just as terrible for patients and their loved ones. The mother of 3 then took back the logbook she had kept during her hospitalization and began to write her story.

“I reworked my manuscript to convey to readers my desire to live, to do prevention and to help parents who are completely helpless when faced with a child who no longer eats. I wanted to give hope: to say yes, anorexia is a terrible disease, but you can get through it with the help of health professionals and the support of loved ones. I am proof of that.”

If the joy of the publication of his book “Hunger for life: I smashed anorexia into pieces” (Récits Éditions) was a little tarnished by the recent disappearance of her mother – who had supported her so much during her illness as well as her writing – it was still a very strong moment for Sophie. And the start of a new adventure: helping people affected by anorexia and ED.

“Shortly before her death, my mother told me to make anorexia prevention my fight, because too many young people and parents needed advice, and above all to see that we could get through it I realize that she was right, meeting people, raising awareness or helping them, even if only by giving advice or the name of a support group or the contact details of an association. today a huge chance and a great pride.”