Sharing common tastes and a common vision of the world is what brings people together who believe that what they like constitutes the essence of who they are, according to a researcher.
- A researcher has studied how self-awareness and our tastes shape our attraction to people similar to us.
- This explains why a detail (a common taste or specificity) is sometimes enough to fall in love with one person and hate another.
- The researcher points out that it is sometimes wise not to judge people who are different from oneself too quickly and not to make assumptions based on a simple common point or a difference of opinion.
It’s called the similarity and attraction effect: some people prefer people who look like them. Charles Chu, assistant professor of management and organization at the Questrom School of Business at Boston University, in the United States, has just discovered one of the reasons.
Published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology of the’American Psychological Associationhis series of four studies indeed finds that people who believe they have a core essence that determines their likes and dislikes are more likely to be attracted to people with similar interests.
Why can a detail be enough to fall in love?
To carry out his research, the researcher tested the conditions that determine whether we feel attracted or repelled by the other. He discovered that a crucial factor was what psychologists call reasoning”self-essentialist”in which people imagine they have a deep inner core or essence that shapes who they are:
“When a person believes that an essence determines his interests, likes and dislikes, he assumes that the same is true for others; if he finds someone who has the same interests as him, he thinks that this person will share their larger vision of the world”, explains the researcher.
This explains why in some people, even a brief contact can cause a spark: like when you meet someone who wears the t-shirt of your favorite band, who laughs at the same jokes as you do or who has the same taste for Hawaiian pizza. “For some people, a little common interest sparks a conversation and turns into a lasting affection.”, sums up the author.
Having commonalities is a bonding factor
The researcher put together four studies, each designed to highlight different aspects of how we make friends, lovers or enemies.
“I discovered that both with fairly significant dimensions of similarity (the taste for a simple painting or sharing the same opinion on a divisive topic) as with arbitrary and minimal similarities (noting how many blue dots we found on a page) people who believe more in their essence are more likely to be attracted to these similar people than to dissimilar people“, explains Mr. Chu.
Seeing yourself as a reference model can hinder your relationship with others
The researcher notes that this way of functioning has its limits and that it is not the best way to truly learn to understand others. Indeed, this can lead to too quick and erroneous conclusions about the real person in front of you. “There are ways to go through life, to meet other people, and to form impressions of other people without constantly referring to yourself.“, he explains.
“If we’re constantly trying to figure out who’s like me, who’s not like me, that’s not always the most productive way to try to figure out other people. People are much more complex than we think“, recalls the author.
