When faced with a child who does not appreciate hugs and kisses, it is crucial to adopt an understanding and respectful approach.
- Some children naturally show a preference for independence, feeling little desire for physical contact, even from close family members.
- For some, this behavior may be temporary, while for others it is a more permanent feature of their personality.
- It is fundamental to respect his refusal and not to force him to give or receive physical affection.
When a child shows disinterest or discomfort with hugs and kisses, parents or those around them may be confused or even hurt. However, understanding the reasons for this behavior allows you to respect your personal limits when it comes to physical contact.
Understanding the child’s refusal
Some children naturally show a preference for independence, feeling little desire for physical contact, even from close family members. This attitude can be accentuated during playtime which takes a central place in their life, not wanting to interrupt their activities for a cuddle.
For some, this behavior may therefore be temporary, while for others it is a more permanent characteristic of their personality. It is therefore important to try to observe your child’s behavior:
• If he feels comfortable expressing affection toward his parents or siblings but is reluctant to do so with people outside his immediate family circle, it may be just for him , it is important to have a feeling of safety and trust with people before initiating physical contact.
• If this concerns all the people around him and also strangers, it may be because he has tactile hypersensitivity. Some children may find not only physical contact but also certain sensations on the skin uncomfortable, such as wearing tight clothing or certain textiles.
How to react to your child’s refusal?
It is fundamental to respect his refusal and not to force him to give or receive physical affection. On the contrary, by respecting him, you help him develop his autonomy and his own respect for his body by teaching him that he has the right to say no.
By respecting his needs, you show him that his personal space is valid and important. To help, you can also:
• Encourage him to name his emotions and needs to better manage his discomfort with physical contact.
• Ask open questions and listen for non-verbal signs, allowing them to feel heard and understood in expressing their limits.
• Teach other ways to express affection and appreciation, such as a smile, a verbal thank you, or a friendly gesture.
By respecting their limits, encouraging them to express their emotions, and offering alternatives, you strengthen their well-being and their ability to communicate their needs with others.
Find out more: “Little Penguin doesn’t always like cuddles” by Pauline Drouin (Les oisillons collection).