That’s nice and healthy
Being kind to yourself is sometimes not easy. But you can learn it. You will be much happier and it is also better for your health.
What is self-compassion? “It’s different from self-pity, because that doesn’t do you any good: if you sit down on the couch pitifully, you won’t get any further,” says Roos Vonk, professor of social psychology.
“Self-compassion basically means that you look at yourself the same as you look at your children. The loving look that you have as a parent, you should also focus a little more on yourself. As a good parent you do not spoil your children too much and you don’t approve of everything they do, but you accept their shortcomings. But then again, you don’t like everything your child does, because it doesn’t make it any better.”
In short: if your children become too fat, do not call them fat, but do not buy ice cream or fries anymore. Because it is precisely because you love them that you take good care of them and ensure that they remain healthy. So does someone with enough self-compassion. It forgives itself the imperfection and takes good care of itself.
inner critic
People with little self-compassion do not see what is going well, but only have an eye for their own shortcomings – and become insecure about this. They’re not good enough at their job, feel ugly, don’t have enough friends, or whatever. Roos Vonk: “As a result, they constantly need confirmation from others and they find it difficult to deal with criticism. At the slightest criticism they think: ‘You see, I can’t handle it, I’m worth nothing.’ They barely realize that it’s only human to fail at something once in a while, an inner critic keeps nagging in their heads telling them they’re not good enough.”
It is not typically Dutch or Calvinist to be strict with yourself; that is of all times and from all directions. But the pressure to perform is high these days. And especially women have a knack for judging themselves harshly. This often starts at a young age and usually does not diminish with age.
Nicer to yourself
The American Kristin Neff is a renowned researcher in this field. She says you’re fighting yourself all day long if you let your inner critic run its course. You are then not only the attacker, but also the one who is attacked, and that causes a lot of stress. It leads to increased levels of the stress hormone cortisol in your blood, which is not good for you.
When you learn to have compassion for yourself, cortisol levels drop and feel-good hormones like oxytocin are released. You feel more comfortable in your own skin and have much more pleasant contact with others. You become, in the words of Kristin Neff, ‘your own best friend’.
Dr. Elke Smeets of Maastricht University also knows how healthy that is. She is a psychologist specialized in self-compassion and researched it together with Kristin Neff. “Since Kristin Neff first published about self-compassion in 2003, more than two hundred studies have been conducted into its healthy effects,” says Elke Smeets.
“People who have been trained in self-compassion suffer less from depression, anxiety, worrying and panic. They go to a doctor sooner if they have something wrong with them than other people, who are more lax or too wait-and-see. pain and the consequences of breast cancer. In addition, they are better able to live healthier lives. If they want to stop smoking or eat too much, they persevere, even if they sin once. “Okay, something went wrong, can happen , from here further on the healthy path,’ they think. While many other people are disappointed because in their eyes everything has already been for nothing. That is an excuse to keep snacking or smoking. “
You can learn it
So we need to be a little nicer to ourselves. But how do you do that?
Sources):
- Plus Magazine
