Can refraining from ejaculating affect male sexuality or on the contrary is it beneficial as the followers of the #nonutnovember challenge, launched on social networks seem to suggest? For Chantal Higy-Lang, sexologist-psychotherapist, answering these questions requires putting the mechanism of ejaculation into perspective.
Top Health: Can refraining from ejaculating for a month be dangerous for a man’s health in your opinion?
Chantal Higy-Lang: First of all, it would be important to know why a man would refrain from ejaculating for a month: fashion, fad, experimentation for him and / or his couple, new form of eroticism, self-control, fertility, improvement libido … Because ejaculation is not a trivial mechanism, it is at the very heart of human sexuality and allows reproduction. We touch on an essential and vital function. A bit like appetite … or sleep.
However, no study shows – according to my experience and my knowledge as a sex therapist – a dangerous aspect of refraining from ejaculating, otherwise men who are sometimes abstinent for life (religious orders, estrangement, illnesses) would have major health concerns.
Is there a recommended length of abstinence?
Chantal Higy-Lang: If we consider the qualitative aspect of sperm, surveys carried out in laboratories aiming to better understand male infertility, indicate that sperm requires 2 to 7 days after intercourse to be of good quality again with a view to procreation.
The time of abstinence and its relevance also depend on the age of the person: a young boy will have no difficulty ejaculating ten minutes after sex, which is not the case for a mature or even older man. .
As a sex therapist, is ejaculation such an important issue in sexuality?
Chantal Higy-Lang: Yes, the theme of ejaculation in general seems very important to me because it highlights a whole mechanism that is both natural and complex in sexuality and erotic function. Many men consult for a reason for ejaculation : it occurs prematurely (premature ejaculation sometimes even before penetration) – she has trouble coming (anejaculation, dysejaculation) and the partner gets tired – or even so-called retrograde ejaculation (following a prostate operation for example) where the man no longer feels the expulsion of his sperm – etc.
Is delaying ejaculation a practice that can be established within the couple?
Chantal Higy-Lang: Having fun with a partner and delaying ejaculation seems to me an interesting sexual activity. The man can learn to better control the management of his excitement and thus make the pleasure last, he can perhaps even come to the end of a too rapid ejaculation which undermines his romantic relationship for years.
Does this practice present any risks?
Chantal Higy-Lang: There is no risk provided that you do not block ejaculation afterwards.
What would be the limits to exercise?
Chantal Higy-Lang: It is important not to lose sight of the fact that these “exercises” should not be carried out outside the eroticism, the tenderness and the bond of the couple. Otherwise they will quickly take on a mechanistic and cold character.
In the practice of tantra, for example, refraining from ejaculating is a common exercise. Tantra is a true philosophy of life and eroticism, it invites to resist the call of orgasmand therefore to delay enjoyment: which means that the limits to the exercise of refraining from ejaculating without any theoretical or philosophical basis would be meaningless and that this leads to a kind of empty and media experience.
And then, it is important that the partner is motivated … We must not lose sight of the fact that she feels pleasure in feeling the man penetrate her and then ejaculate. This sensation is both physical but also psychological and relational. To be deprived of it requires a reason, an objective, a communication.
As a sex therapist, can you recommend two exercises for teaching a man to refrain from ejaculating?
Chantal Higy-Lang: An exercise for man would be to do it during the masturbation. Raise the level of excitement, play with the fire but without letting go to ejaculate, try to decrease the pressure of the excitement then stop completely. This exercise does not require a month ofabstinencebut is already sufficiently complex to be interested in it and tempt it.
Another exercise can be considered as a couple: playing not to ejaculate during a romantic session, or even more, why not a week … but with the possibility of talking about it, of having a dialogue on this natural and mysterious phenomenon.
You can also liven up the session with soft and sensual music, candles, and above all a lot of love.
Thanks to Chantal Higy-Lang, sexologist-psychotherapist, author of the Intimate Notebooks of a sexologist – the beautiful sex. LC editions.
Read also
49% of French people consider virtual reality sex
Sex and complexes: how to overcome your shyness in bed
Premature ejaculation can be treated
