A little invested father who can become more so later
The behavior of the future father during pregnancy varies, but for all, it is a period of profound upheaval, even if it is not always visible. Some men invest a lot, others seem indifferent or have mixed feelings. These different behaviors are not decisive in becoming an invested father after birth. While some feel like a father from the very first ultrasound, others need the baby to be more “concrete”: to feel it moving in the belly, to attend childbirth or even to take part in first aid. The new responsibilities that emerge during pregnancy are not necessarily easy for the future father to assume, and he may be ashamed to reveal his doubts: Will I be able to support my family and devote time to my wife and to my baby?
This is why it is important to find this new balance together during pregnancy. The discrepancy between what you are experiencing and what your partner is feeling can cause tension in your relationship, which is normal. However, the arrival of a baby is also the occasion for a new relationship for two, more intense and centered on this family that you want to build.
Dads chickens and the brood syndrome
Each future dad has his own way of experiencing pregnancy and some may get involved physically or mentally until they experience the same symptoms as the mother: nausea, mood changes, fatigue, abdominal pain, weight gain, cravings, contractions … A state called Couvade syndrome which usually appears in the second trimester or some time before childbirth. According to some health professionals, this syndrome is due to hormonal changes in the woman which would influence the behavior of the future dad. Other experts believe that men also experience hormonal changes during pregnancy, that is, their levels of prolactin (lactation hormone) increase while their testosterone decreases. Finally, for some men, this syndrome is quite simply a way of identifying with the future mother by experiencing the pregnancy at the same time as her and in the same way.
Leave her room to get to know baby
The balance of your new little family depends on the involvement of the father, of course, but also on your help so that he finds his place there. Indeed, it is essential that this new dad can be involved like you in the care of the baby, that he does not feel rejected or put aside from the mother and baby couple. It is therefore important for the young dad to allow himself some one-on-one moments with his child, even if these moments are not always in agreement with your organization. Between fatigue and family life, each father adapts in his own way, and more or less quickly finds a new balance. Even if the romantic relationship evolves, it remains the pillar of the life of three.
Taking care of her baby as much (or almost) as the mother avoids feeling rejected and helps to find her place. The simple fact of being present for the bath or the first bottle can become a real moment of happiness for the three of you. Putting baby in his own bed when he wakes up isn’t just for moms. Do not be afraid of beginner’s mistakes: it is by practicing that you learn.