Suddenly feeling sad after sex is called “postcoital dysphoria”. This sensation may be accompanied by uncontrolled sobs that are incomprehensible to the partner. How to explain this reaction?
You may have already experienced it without being able to explain it. The “Postcoital dysphoria”, also called “sex blues”, is a powerful feeling of melancholy that occurs between five minutes and two hours after intercourse. Depending on the degree of sadness, it can cause irritability, a need to flee for refuge, or even sobs.
This feeling of frustration is difficult to explain for the people who experience it and often unsettles the partner. This negative state can even potentially cause distress within the couple and disrupt their relationship processes. However, although it is still poorly understood by the general public, postcoital dysphoria can affect any person at any time in their life. How to react ? How to deal with the problem?
Men and women, equally concerned
Researchers from Australia’s QUT University recently concluded that men can also suffer from postcoital dysphoria. A medical student by the name of Joel Maczkowiack and his professor Robert Schweitzer conducted an “anonymous international online survey of 1208 men from Australia, the United States, the United Kingdom, Russia, New Zealand or again from Germany “. Their article “Dpostcoital ysphoria : prevalence and correlations in men “was published by the International Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy.
Among the men surveyed, 41% said they had already experienced an episode of dpostcoital ysphoria in their lifetime, 20% of whom had experienced it in the previous four weeks. Up to 4% of them admitted to suffering from it regularly. Some explained that they did not want to be touched anymore and needed to be alone after sex, others explained that they felt agitated, annoyed and irritable. Other respondents described a feeling of “emptiness”, “without emotions”.
This syndrome was known in women, but as the researchers point out, there was no data identifying its extent in men. According to Professor Schweitzer, “the male sexual experience can be much more varied and complex than previously thought”. “The first three phases of the human sexual response cycle – arousal, plateau and orgasm – have been the subject of the majority of studies to date,” he explains. “The experience of the resolution phase remains a bit mysterious and therefore poorly understood (…) It is generally believed that men and women experience a lot of positive emotions, including contentment and relaxation immediately after the activity. sexual “, which is not always the case.
What triggers postcoital dysphoria?
“We assume that the reasons are multifactorial, including due to biological and psychological factors,” says Professor Schweitzer. The causes of postcoital dysphoria are in fact poorly understood – because too little studied – but some scientists believe that feelings of sadness and regret in men would result from the release of sperm and exhaustion of the body after orgasm.
Sex makes us vulnerable. After sex, we are often emptied, naked and therefore ready to feel negative emotions that are sometimes repressed, forgotten or put aside. Women or men who have been sexually assaulted, for example, may see this painful memory come up once the excitement has passed. Rather than feeling good, relaxed, or close to their partner, this person will tend to withdraw, to feel bad and to distance themselves from their other half.
“It has been established, for example, that couples who chat, kiss and cuddle after sex experience greater sexual and relationship satisfaction.” Conversely, a gap can widen between the two spouses. If this feeling of discomfort persists after each report, it is necessary to consider consulting a doctor, a sex therapist or a psychologist to understand the origin and start treatment. Either way, postcoital dysphoria can happen to any of us. Communication, at least with one’s partner, remains the key to healing.
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