What if it didn’t change anything? Difference in age, religion, culture, social background… “We are all mixed couples, we have different ways of seeing and experiencing the world with the notion of respect for each, of not imposing on the other and of being interested in the vision of the world of the other, without denigrating or caricaturing”, explains the couple therapist, Cécile Guéret. And, she continues, “being a couple is uniquewe carry speeches, social and cultural concerns, representations, education, even family mandates, beliefs about what it is to be a man, a woman, what a couple and intimate life should be like.”
Then comes our individual journey to each. “How we were welcomed as a little boy or girl, how we were loved, valued, in our family, how then we were welcomed by our peers, our comrades, our friends, our loves, with the possible sometimes devastating sorrows, etc.
In the couple, each partner thus arrives with his story as it appears to him at that time of his existence, his way of relating to others: and we knit this together in a unique and singular way.
Age difference: noting a certain reality
Several questions can arise when there is a large age difference. For example, finitude, if the older other is sick or disappears. But also, the outside gaze, the remarks of people, of the entourage, especially when there is a big gap that can raise the fear of a confusion of generations. However, “if you have to take into account the trouble or the difficulty that this can cause for loved ones, you should not give up on your love story”comments the therapist.
Accept any discrepancies
When one quickly with a younger or older person, the question of the difference arises with greater acuity but ultimately, it already exists in a couple of the same age. “Differences in taste, for example, are true, but so are complementarities and similarities. What brings us together, what sets us apart? This means going against the ideal of “us” which discourages differentiation”, Cécile Guéret analysis.
The age difference is also “accepting to be seen in our uniqueness and our complexity, recognizing that we have an impact on the other”.
Simply open up to others
Hand in hand, this relationship slowly develops, deepens and blossoms. Wonder still needs to be supported, nourished, deployed. “In the romantic encounter as in the journey of the couple, in the moment as in the long term, it is thanks to the novelty, to the movement, to the unexpected that we remain alive inside”.
thanks to Cecile Gueretcouple therapist and author of “To love is to take the risk of surprise”, at Albin Michel.
Read also:
- How to manage the unspoken within the couple? Here are 5 basic tips
- Savior syndrome: how to get rid of it?
- Couple: “I have the impression that he never listens to me”
