Holidays as a couple: a special summer after the effects of confinement

This year, the summer holidays are far from trivial. “The period is notbelieves Coraline Delebarre, psychologist and sexologist. Lockdown has been a big stressor for many people, and the crisis is not yet behind us: there is still a potential external threat, with the idea of ​​a second wave and the appearance of more and more clusters. more important in France, as well as abroad.” A special summer is thus emerging, when holidays are normally associated with carelessness and respite.

Health protocols still in force, difficulties in anticipating your stay due to changing entry conditions in other countries… “Many people are in perplexity, unable to prepare their holidays as usual”, notes Coraline Delebarre. A context all the more unusual for couples, who have already had to face eight weeks of confinement. While each situation is different, the latter had various consequences. “They depend on relationships prior to confinement, as well as the relational, communication and sexual capacities of the couples.says the psychologist.

Confinement, between torque tightening and deleterious effects

Coraline Delebarre notices two trends in the couples she sees in her office. “This experience could lead to a tightening when the conditions were right for a strengthening”, she believes. This requires in particular the fact of having experienced confinement in good conditions, with space, even an exterior. “For some, especially people without children, not having too much work has also allowed them to find each other: with the time saved, they have had more time to be able to think about their couple, talk and make love.continues Coraline Delebarre.

Conversely, the psychologist observed more deleterious effects, such as an increase in relationship and communication difficulties. At issue: environmental variables and “stressors“ important exteriors. “I am thinking of couples with children, or who have experienced confinement in small areas, where little individual space was possible, or even couples who are professionally overloaded…”, lists Coraline Delebarre. She also evokes the implementation of telework, which has mixed different worlds: the personal space has become intimate and professional. “There are couples who have suffered from this period, having difficulty finding individual spacessays the psychologist. However, having it is also very important for the proper functioning of a couple..”

“When we are permanently with each other, we inevitably have less desire”

At the start of confinement, this is what Rebecca and her companion, quite independent, feared. “As we feared, we argued a little bitremembers the 26-year-old freelancer in events. Especially since we live in an apartment, without access to the outside and neither of us worked.” The first month passed, the couple managed to find a balance. “It started to go much better, we set up a more stable daily lifesays Rebecca. On the other hand, level libido there was a big fall: except from time to time, the sexual intercourse didn’t really interest us anymore. At the end of confinement, it took off again.”

Loïc also notices a drop in sexual activity within his couple. “When we are permanently with each other, we necessarily want less “, believes the 26-year-old digital transformation consultant. However, he was not particularly afraid of being confined alone with his spouse. “As we had the same rhythm, it was really cool: we were both teleworking, we ate lunch quickly, then in the evening we had time together”, he says. The 20-something also notes very few “headaches”which occurred at the same frequency as normal.

“We are no longer locked up: there is the possibility of escaping if things go wrong”

For Loïc and Rebecca, the question does not arise: even if they have been confined for eight weeks to two, the vacation as a couple that they had planned is not canceled. “There were never any questions about it: as soon as we were able to take leave, we did it, making sure we could leave for two weeks together”, says the consultant. “In any case, we wanted to go on vacation togetheroutbids Rebecca. I know we’re probably going to fight, like we usually do, but I keep in mind that we’re not locked up anymore and there is the possibility of escape if that goes wrong. Then, to get some fresh air, we can always spend a day on our own.”

Although it is difficult to generalize, Coraline Delebarre remains categorical: after confinement, taking some fresh air on vacation can be beneficial for couples. “Coming out of a space that has been over-invested seems like a good thing to me”, she believes. On the other hand, the way in which couples will choose to go towards this exteriority is specific to them: some need to be together, others to leave together or with their family and friends. “Containment may change the way you go on vacation and with whom”, considers the psychologist. In question: the fact of having been folded up on a very limited intimate zone.

After confinement, desires for the great outdoors

Indeed, the confinement had an undeniable influence on the nature of the stay of Loïc and his spouse. “Basically, we wanted to go to Costa Ricaremembers the consultant. We were thinking of spending holidays in France in the more or less near future, after this summer precisely: we simply brought them forward”. Thus, he and his partner have planned to take a tour of Brittany, with the help of long hikes. “The fact of having remained confined makes us want the great outdoors even more.notes the young man.

This desire for space and greenery is also very present in Rebecca and her spouse. “We will start with a motorcycle road trip with the idea of ​​escapingshe says. Then we’ll spend a week with a dozen friends in a house by the beach.”. A second part of vacation planned well before confinement. “But, if I had needed to go alone, I would have felt justified in telling my boyfriend.specifies the freelancer. In any case, we are used to leaving without each other, so we have not planned to spend the whole summer stuck together either.

“It is necessary to be able to tell each other what we need”

For Coraline Delebarre, this is one of the lessons to be learned from confinement: to feel legitimate to ask your desires and your needs. A mode of communication that applies particularly to the summer period. “It’s a special time, so it’s necessary to be able to tell each other what you need: maybe people in a relationship will want to get some air separately, and that’s not ‘serious’“, assures the psychologist. In question: the importance of finding your space as well as individual functioning for couples who suffered from the overflow of intimacy during confinement.

“During this period, we realized that being in a couple that is too close or centered can more easily generate conflicts or dissatisfaction”, believes Coraline Delebarre. The secret to making a couple work well? That its two members see themselves as two unique entities, two individuals looking in the same direction. “It is important to have a life by oneself, for oneself, to share with the other”says the psychologist.