The holidays are conducive to meetings, and sometimes even to THE meeting. But how to make this beautiful love story last beyond the start of the school year and the return to everyday life?
Seven out of 10 French people have already found love on vacation and they spent an average of €760 on visits, phone calls and other associated costs to keep this flame alive, according to a study conducted by Kayak.fr in 2018. However, despite the sincerity feelings felt, these beautiful stories have a hard time surviving the start of the school year and everyday life. Psychologist Camille Rochet, founder of the site To All of Us and author of the book “The 5 beliefs that prevent you from being happy as a couple” (ed. Larousse), gives the keys to making holiday love last.
– Better living Health: holiday romances are often perceived as intense stories. Why do they score so much?
Camille Rochet : the holidays, especially those of summer, make it possible to have generally three weeks in front of oneself. This offers a real possibility of letting go. We have the impression that what will happen next is very distant. We can block everything: work, worries, daily life… We are like in a bubble, even more so when we go on a trip. This space of freedom allows you to be more open to new emotions, especially love.
There is something a bit magical, because we only see the positive side of the moment and of the people around us. In holiday romances, there is no compulsion. There is only pleasure, easy moments… we are not at all in the – sometimes difficult – reality of life. It’s not anchored in reality like other encounters, for example those made at work. There, the person is also part of the worries, because it is integrated into the daily life to be managed. This daily constraint is not present in the love stories of holidays, it is what gives them this particular flavor.
– Why do vacation romances often seem to fizzle out after school starts and returns home?
It’s often hard for vacation love stories to continue once the summer is over. As we are far from our constraints, we do not think of tackling very serious subjects: we ignore the distance between our respective places of life which could be a problem, the other does not see us in our daily life with our sources of stress, our schedules, our management of the children… When we return from the holidays, the principle of reality is put back in place. And it tackles a lot of difficulties: it’s almost like starting a new relationship. You have to ask yourself: “can I integrate you into my reality or are we too different? ”.
Marriage, children, expectations of life can be points of friction for a couple… whereas on vacation, the questions are much easier: “are we going to the creperie or the beach?”. The arrival of these difficult subjects puts the couple to the test.
– What are your tips for turning holiday love into a lasting love affair?
Ideally, you should not go too fast. As we are already in letting go, we do not ask ourselves all the questions that we ask ourselves in another type of meeting. Generally, we go very quickly. Everything looks amazing.
Of course, it is not necessary to address the question of marriage, children and serious subjects immediately, but it is still necessary to meet the other in his principle of reality. To do this, you have to ask questions to identify the partner and ask yourself if you are compatible beyond a few weeks.
Generally, we are not alone on vacation. His friends or those around him can be a good way to get a more precise image of his daily life or his values.
Often, holiday love begins very quickly and questions arise afterwards. This is where it’s a little dangerous, because you can be addicted to this feeling of love or to the beautiful memories shared, but, in fact, it’s not the reality. Holiday love should instead be a beautiful holiday encounter…
– What are the mistakes that can tarnish a holiday romance?
One of the most common mistakes is to settle for things like “we get along too well”, “we have a good laugh”, “I can be natural with you”, “we can talk for hours”. This is often what triggers the feeling of love, but you have to go beyond that. You have to ask yourself and ask yourself: “ok, humanly speaking, we have everything to get along well, but do we also have what is needed in terms of common values to build something”.
Totally in letting go of the holidays, we do not always think about preserving ourselves. Now, this is important, because there can be suffering with holiday romances. Finding your daily life after a great trip is already difficult, but it can be even more so when there has been the feeling of being loved and strong human emotions in addition. You can feel the loneliness even more afterwards.
– Holiday love is often associated with youth. Is there a difference when these stories are later?
There are differences in the sense that, in adolescence, we are not really in a construction. This does not mean that the young person is not in pain, that he has not become attached or that he is not sad to see the story wither once he returns home. The suffering may be the same as that of an adult, but there is no weight of couple building or long-term planning.
For older people or single-parent families, the reality principle is more quickly taken into account… and moreover more demanding as well as an important element of the continuation or not of the love story.
If these holiday stories are not always easy to articulate, we must not run away from them. In my opinion, the holidays can be a real moment of meeting, because you get to know people outside your circle.
But it will have all the more chances of succeeding, if we don’t rush headlong into a story. There is less of a failure rate if you are open to encounters and you put things down little by little, rather than being all fire, all flame.
