With the first girlfriends invited to the house, a series of natural and understandable feelings overwhelm parents. They are anything but emotionally neutral. Many relive their own emotions and react with their experience alone. “From the moment when” the wolf is in the sheepfold “and the girlfriend at home, they must anticipate what will happen next, warns psychosomatician and gynecologist Sylvain Mimoun. One day, their teenager will lock himself in his room without warning. It would be better to have thought beforehand to react calmly, and in a credible manner. Parents who are not prepared for this situation generally speak in a climate of mistrust, even anger or disgust, whether expressed consciously or not. This can generate in their child a certain guilt. , who may follow him throughout his sex life. “
What you can do
If he had to fend for himself, it would be outside, with friends whose parents would be absent, in gardens … which would force him to hide, lie and undergo significant stress. At the time of the first dates or the “first time”, all this is neither very romantic, nor very fulfilling. The question may not be whether you accept the girlfriend in question, but under what conditions. Your teenager needs to know that you aren’t rejecting them, but neither are you. Set limits that can be renegotiated over time. For example: “You are only 15 years old, she can come only on weekends (or on vacation …)”, the freedoms increasing with age. As for spending the night under the family roof, which implies possible sexual relations, you can allow or refuse, but do it after careful consideration and not on a whim. Some parents see the presence of the girlfriend as a mark of confidence, others on the contrary feel embarrassed… In any case, if you say no, it is better to talk about yourself and not to question your child. “I don’t feel capable of going through this at home” or “not in our presence”. It is important that both parents agree on the message to be transmitted and stand together. Otherwise the teenager would have a good time exploiting the flaw in the system and making the reluctant parent feel guilty: “Dad, he agrees. You are old fashioned.”
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