“I fantasize, therefore I am”, one might say to paraphrase Descartes. Because every individual has a fantasy universe, which is an integral part of the unconscious and obeys absolutely no control. The fantasy therefore reveals a part of ourselves that escapes us. We could ask ourselves the question of “why do it?” », Especially when you have a sex life that you consider perfectly satisfactory. Indeed, why think about people, situations, positions, which, moreover, in “real life”, would not necessarily attract us? Simply because in fact, like dreams, fantasies make it possible to compensate for a too well ordered daily life, and the frustrations, conscious or unconscious, which accompany it. Whatever the relationship maintained with sexuality, phantasmal activity keeps us in balance and exercises a regulatory role at the psychic level by expressing the inexpressible. Fantasy can also be a form of complete inner freedom, leading to a more exciting, bolder or more whimsical self-image.
Because he is not held back by natural inhibitions, he allows himself everything, like an “almighty Bruce”, to whom God has given all power, and who allows himself to make his dreams come true. crazy …
The fantasy, coming from the unconscious, is in a way coming from our dark side, which explains why it does not necessarily respond to the values of culture or morals which are ours, and sometimes clashes with them. This can then make it shameful and shameful, or sometimes even just embarrassing, surprising or disturbing …
If your “intimate delusions”, awake or asleep, overtake you, frighten you or disturb you, and even ask you about your “normalcy”, do not feel guilty. To dream that you have sex with your best friend’s husband, or that you are being violated by a group of kinky bikers, does not mean that you want (and would appreciate) it in reality. Remember that it is the unconscious that speaks, and that it does not really reflect our desires, just some of our animal impulses. In this, the fantasy undoubtedly reveals a part of ourselves, but only a part!
No reason to worry, because it could turn into obsession, and can also induce a state of judgment, restraint, fear, which reduces appetite and the joy of living. It is essential to play down, in order to enter a benevolent meeting place, with oneself as with the other.
Not exactly, even if we can find certain points in common such as, of course, strong sensations, even exceptional ones. The woman will imagine having repeated “cosmic” orgasms, while the manHe will be endowed with a triumphant and incredibly durable erection … If some fantasies, among the most common, are shared by both sexes, their scenarios are however quite different. So, if threesomes are recurrent, the men in their imagination make love with their partner plus another woman, while their companions, instead, choose two complete strangers! The fantasies of exhibition, in their male version, generally take place in social places (supermarket, plane, restaurant, cinema, train…) whereas in female version, they are more concretized in nature (park, beach…) .
While some believe that we should say everything, or even try everything, it should be known that fantasies, by nature, do not necessarily exist in order to be realized or even simply told to his partner, like everything else. what touches our secret garden. But if nothing forces you to do them, nothing forbids you either, especially alone, as long as you remain cautious. If you want to engage your partner in the operation, you have to be sure that he really wants to participate and be an actor, and that he does not do so forced and forced. Thus, in swingers’ clubs, we meet a lot of women who are there only to “please” their partner, and who live these experiences very badly, which can seriously disrupt the history of the couple and the romantic relationship. Then, you have to choose a favorable period, when you feel good. It is important not to believe that the realization of a fantasy will revitalize a sexual relationship or a failing marital situation, or even boost morale in free fall. It should not be a lifeline, nor be chosen out of idleness, because everything then becomes calculated, forced, artificial and… necessarily failed. In any case, you have to understand that realizing your fantasies is not proof of liberation: the fantasy, in the majority of cases, is designed to remain inaccessible.
This is all the difference, both subtle and enormous, between dream and reality. The fantasy magnifies and sublimates the reality of the experience, it is in a way an image of Épinal, a perfect film (especially if it is replayed over and over again) where almost every detail is erotic, while its realization necessarily turns out to be much more raw, which can be not only disappointing, but sometimes much more painful than one would have thought and wished.
