Dependent behavior in dementia

Since Mr. De Boer has dementia, he has been chasing his wife all day. Sometimes he even follows her to the toilet! And when Mrs. De Boer puts on her coat to leave, her husband asks several times where she is going and what time she will return. The situation is starting to feel quite oppressive to Mrs. De Boer. So much so that she occasionally exclaims irritatedly: “Don’t keep chasing me like that!”

Nightly phone calls

Does your loved one with dementia also suffer from dependent behavior? Then it is good to know where this comes from. People with dementia recognize their environment less and less well. This can make them feel anxious and insecure. They seek support and security from the people most trusted. For example, by following them. But there are also people with dementia – often they live alone – who continuously call their son or daughter. Even when he is at work and also at night.

Insecure

Another form of dependent behavior is asking a lot of questions: “What time are we going to eat?” “Where’s the remote control?” “Which chair should I sit in?” Dependence sometimes starts at an early stage of dementia. People who have always been insecure are more affected than those who were very self-confident before their illness.

give something to hold on to

As a caregiver, you are often very burdened by the care you provide. Therefore, if someone is still asking the same questions and chasing you, it’s easy to lose your temper. Unfortunately that doesn’t help. The person with dementia will only feel more insecure. And as a result, you may start to show even more dependent behavior. Therefore try to remember that your neighbor does not behave that way on purpose. He or she is looking for something to hold on to, and luckily you can do a number of things to give it as much as possible. The dependent behavior will decrease. Good for both of you.

Overview at home

Overview is very important for people with dementia. So make sure you have a tidy house, in which things have a permanent place. Your loved one does not always have to ask you where the newspaper or the sugar bowl is. You can place the things you regularly use in plain sight. For example, put the items needed for making coffee on the counter in advance. Glass doors on kitchen cabinets are also very useful. Just like labels and pictures that make clear what is in a cupboard or drawer.

note on the table

A fixed daily structure provides guidance. Make a schedule of it, so that your loved one can see when it is dinner or bedtime. Are you leaving? Then put a note on the table. Write on it where you are going and when you will return. If your loved one can do something nice while you are away, it is distracting. For example, have a puzzle or magazine ready, or put on some music.

Narrow the choice

Choosing is often difficult for people with dementia. So don’t ask, “What do you want to drink?” or: “What clothes do you want to wear today?” Limit the choice to one or two options: “Do you want coffee?”, “Do you want to wear your blue or gray sweater today?”

Must participate

Involve people with dementia in conversations and daily activities. Let them do everything they can (somewhat) themselves. So don’t go shopping or peel potatoes because you can do that faster or better. It is important that your loved one with dementia feels taken seriously and useful. That is good for self-confidence. More self-confidence often means less dependent behavior.

Go to the doctor with physical complaints

Dependent behavior can also have a physical cause. If your loved one starts to behave much more dependent in a short period of time, ask if he or she might be in pain somewhere. Contact your doctor for help if necessary.

The Trimbos Institute and Alzheimer Nederland have made an online video training about coping with changing behavior in dementia. Watch it via www.dementie.nl/online-training.