“On” and “off” romantic relationships have a disastrous effect on mental health. According to a recent American study, people stuck in this kind of pattern would be more exposed to abuse than others.
On the big and small screen, the tortuous love relationships, which stop and then resume when the spectator no longer expects it, make us all dream. But in real life, they are far from recommended and the science says so. Indeed, according to an American study published in October in the journal Family Relations“on” and “off” relationships are a great source of psychological distress for those caught in this trap.
This pattern is particularly toxic
As part of their research, Dr. Kale Monk of the University of Missouri and his team followed 545 people. Among them, 279 were in a homosexual relationship and 266 in a heterosexual relationship. The researchers were thus able to observe that 60% of the participants who had experienced “on” and “off” relationships were exposed to more abuse than the others and communicated less. They also found that such relationships mostly occur in male-male pairs.
Breaking up and getting back together isn’t always bad for a couple as it can help both people realize the importance of their love, the study notes. But those who tend to do this regularly are subject to a lot of problems, this regimen being particularly toxic.
Getting to the real problem of the relationship
The latter would indeed be associated with symptoms such as depression and anxiety for a couple, the researchers also observed. “Our results prove that people who find themselves breaking up and getting back together regularly need to figure out what the real problem in their relationship is,” says Dr. Monk. “If the partners are honest, they can take the necessary steps to maintain their relationship or come to terms with it in a healthy way. This is vital for the preservation of their well-being”, he recommends, advising in particular to those concerned to review why they broke up in the first place and whether that reason might still be an issue.
If you’re stuck in a relationship like this and can’t see a way out, don’t hesitate to seek help from someone else, such as a marriage counselor or a coach. In order to break the vicious circle of “on” and “off”, relationship coach Anna Morgenstern advises keeping a journal where you can note why each breakup took place and how it made you feel. After which, describe your dream relationship and your ideal partner. “Then compare these two papers and see if the person you’ve been ‘on’ and ‘off’ with for so long can meet your needs,” Anna Morgenstern explained to the American magazine. Bustle in an article devoted to the subject in March, before concluding: “if you realize that she can’t, make the decision to end it once and for all”.
If you do finally decide to break up with your partner, delete their phone number, photos, and anything that might lead you back to them, she encourages. The goal is of course to completely wipe the slate clean. Once you’ve gotten rid of your ex, think about your relationship with a cool head and accept your share of responsibility so that you don’t repeat the same mistakes in a future relationship. And, of course, know how to count on your friends to constantly remind you why you have finally cut ties!
.