Adapt
The first thing for the husband to do is to adjust to the way his wife is coping. Some women don’t want to say anything, others prefer people to know how difficult the situation can be. The spouse must dare to ask the question: what companion do you want me to be? That I accompany you or that we do not feel that you are sick? Indeed, according to the type of personality of a woman, the accompaniment can be different.
Dare physical contact
Women are weakened by disease, fear and physical mutilation. Despite everything, they want to feel like a woman, beautiful and loved. Spouses should not hesitate to offer hugs. You have to find the right time and start over if necessary, if the spouse does not feel ready or available. The spouse should not be discouraged, the cancer lasts for months, even years. A woman can want to be alone and then need tenderness, love. As far as the physical and sexual relationship is concerned, it’s tailor-made. You have to succeed in managing the fact of not giving it up and at the same time, not putting pressure on it, not adding tension. This can be discussed between couples, the husband must be able to talk about it but never in a moment of conflict.
Trust
Women need their spouse to have confidence in her and in the fight they are waging. And let them keep their spirits up. If he encounters anxieties, he must consult or contact an association. The problem is that the carers don’t know what to do with the anxiety. They must therefore allow themselves and have a space to talk about it. If they keep their anxieties, they will come out one day.
Relieve
The last important thing is to relieve his spouse and delegate certain missions. Do not hesitate to ask her, to be proactive, to accompany her in her medical examinations and administrative procedures and to accept that she refuses.
Thanks to Floriane Richard Augy, adult psychiatrist based in Paris (8e).
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