The months preceding and following a breakup are characterized by a change in language where the “I” takes precedence over the “we”.
- The variation in language takes place in the three months preceding a separation, with a particularly strong change in the week before the breakup.
- It then takes six months, on average, for the two people in the couple to find the elements of language before the relationship.
Being attentive to the words of your spouse could allow you to anticipate the future of the relationship. If she or he starts using “I” rather than “we”, it may be a sign that the relationship is about to end. These language variations continue even some time after the rupture, noted the American researchers from Princeton University who carried out the study recently published in the PNAS.
Pronouns say a lot about our emotional state
To reach these conclusions, the researchers dissected the conversations of 6,803 users of the social network Reddit. Organized in the form of a forum, the website contains many discussions between Internet users according to different themes. Users who were of interest to researchers participated in discussions on the topic of relationship breakups. In total, the scientists decrypted 1,027,541 messages, one year before and after the rupture. “What makes this project so fascinating is that for the first time, thanks to technology, we can see how people experience a breakup in real time.”, rejoiced Kate Blackburn, researcher in psychology and co-author of the study.
The analysis of all these messages revealed that the language variation takes place in the three months preceding a separation, with a particularly strong change in the week before the breakup. Concretely, the “I” replaces the “we” and certain words emphasizing a cognitive load are used more. “The use of these words is a sign that a person is under heavy cognitive load.describes Sarah Seraj, author of the study. Something is happening in the life of this person, who consequently becomes more self-centered. We don’t really realize how many times we use prepositions, articles or pronouns, but these words are modified, in a certain way, when we go through a personal upheaval. They can tell a lot about our emotional and psychological state.”
Six months on average to recover
Before the separation occurs, the change of language is present in all the topics discussed, unconsciously indicating to the other that the end is near. “It seems like even before people know a breakup is going to happen, it starts to affect their lives.“, continues Sarah Seraj. It then takes six months, on average, for the two people in the couple to find the elements of language before the relationship. In some, this language variation lasts up to a year. According to the study, these same people would continue to be active in the thematic category “Breakups”, posting messages about their painful separation. The fact of keeping these elements of language after the rupture testifies to unhealed sequelae.
.
