Is it okay to masturbate?
“Do not speak badly of the masturbation. It’s the surest way to make love with someone you love, ”jokes famous filmmaker Woody Allen. Sure enough, nothing wrong with that. According to sexologists, masturbation is indeed part of the logical learning of sexuality, and their discourse in the face of this practice is perfectly guilt-free and liberating. For them, onanism is not a compensatory pleasure (in the face of disappointing or mediocre sexuality) or of “second zone”, and masturbation can perfectly exist alongside fulfilling sexuality, or even develop it …
Why has masturbation had such a bad reputation for a long time?
Odious “perversion” supposed to make deaf or even impotent, masturbation has long been condemned, in particular because of the fact that it “spoils” the semen of the man, which should be used to procreate. “In 1758, Dr. Tissot, in an” Essay on diseases produced by masturbation “, paints a dramatic picture of a young boy who died in terrible suffering and total decline, guilty, according to him, of bad habits”, tells Dr Philippe Brenot in his work “Sex and love” (ed. Odile Jacob), “thus inaugurating two centuries of persecution of adolescents under the false pretext for the dangerousness of masturbation… As soon as this war was declared, all the arguments were good, even the most absurd, the most sadistic or the least thoughtful, to track down desire, stifle impulses and persecute so-called masturbating adolescents. This witch hunt lasted more than a century throughout Europe, under the alibi of religion and with the help of doctors. And yet, nothing in the Bible directly condemns masturbation!
Everyone does it … is it true?
In the 70s, the famous American sexologist Shere Hite carried out the first major survey on the sexuality of women, by interviewing anonymously, in 58 questions on the sex, several thousand of them, on all the territory of the United States. It revealed a lot of essential things about sexuality, pleasure, desire and, in particular, the fact that a very large number of women masturbating. They were thus 82% to recognize it, not even hesitating to give details about their onanist practices and the pleasure which these procured to them. A last Inserm / Ined survey, dated 2007, revealed that 60% of women had already masturbated (against 90% of men), a little less therefore than Americans some thirty years before, but still a majority. However, the figures should be handled with care because masturbation, particularly female, is still a taboo subject, gladly shameful, and not all women are ready to admit that they caress each other, morality requires. As a result, many indulge in it but do not talk about it, or even deny it.
Is it normal not to think about your sweetheart while masturbating?
This is indeed normal, and it absolutely does not mean that you are lacking in love or desire for him, or that you are letting him out of your sexuality. You don’t want to be unfaithful either, even unconsciously, because you imagine yourself in the arms of a neighbor, a firefighter or a celebrity. Simply, masturbation, the objective of which is to procure pleasure, appeals to fantasies, which are by nature limitless. It is therefore perfectly logical that your imagination takes you to wander on more original paths than your usual and daily sexuality as a couple. There is no reason to feel guilty or ashamed of it, you do not cheat on your partner, even virtually …
What does masturbation bring besides pleasure?
The entry into sexuality is through masturbation, which allows you to better understand your body, and the way it functions in pleasure. The sex of the woman, largely internal, therefore hidden, needs to be discovered little by little. Onanism is therefore an essential step in making contact with oneself, which fully participates in this long learning process that is sexuality. Caressing thus helps the little girl, then the young girl, then the young woman, to understand each other, to know each other intimately, and to know what she likes, what turns her on, what she appreciates less, what makes her react. In short, to know more about her, to then better control her sexuality. This practice also allows the woman to prove to herself that she can have orgasms: The Shere Hite report showed that 95% of women who said they masturbated easily reached orgasm whenever they wanted. For women who are a little inhibited, or those who find it difficult to experience pleasure, discovering that they are so reactive can be reassuring, proving to them that their body is functioning quite normally …
Is masturbating together kinky or sensual?
There is nothing perverse in the masturbation of each of the partners in front of the other as long as it is appreciated, experienced without embarrassment, and that it involves sensual games or romantic foreplay. In consultation, couples therapists often advise their patients to initiate themselves to these exchanges, in particular in the event of difficulties of erection, problems of premature ejaculation or disorders of desire. By indulging in these playful caresses, we play down the absence of penetration by showing that it is not essential to experience enjoyment and an orgasm.
Is it pathological if masturbation alone brings orgasm?
When you easily achieve solo enjoyment under the effect of your own caresses, but you can’t do it with your partner, it actually deserves to ask questions about your sexuality as a couple and your relationship with your partner. partner. Lack of confidence in oneself or in the other, male clumsiness, lack of communication in sexuality, latent resentment? There is, in any case, a problem, often of a relational nature, which it would be profitable to look into to prevent sexuality from becoming only egoistic, and that it no longer manages to exist in this moment of sharing that is sexual intercourse. A therapist can be useful to find out where the difficulty comes from, and help resolve it because each story is personal …
To put in all hands …
Why has masturbation for a long time been so violently criticized, even repressed by doctors who do not hesitate to adopt barbaric techniques (infibulation, cauterization, sutures …) to prevent children from indulging in it? This rich and documented work, both scientifically and psychoanalytically, shows us how this practice, which starts in utero, is not a poor substitute for sexuality, but a form of sexuality in its own right with multiple benefits. An instructive and guilt-free work.
“A little history of masturbation” by Dr Pierre Humbert and Pr Jerôme Palazolo, ed. Odile Jacob, 2009, € 21.
