“Yes, I was very lucky to get this promotion …” The luck, but also the work, “I worked a lot to complete this file”, or the circumstances, “I was there at the right moment, by chance “… In any case, success comes from an external element, never from the skills of the person. There is no doubt that we are dealing with someone who suffers, perhaps without knowing it, from impostor syndrome.
“Brilliant, but modest, the impostor often has the impression of usurping a position, of not being in the right place, in the right role, and always above what he deserves” explains psychologist Laurie Hawkes. Patients who succeed, but who think they do not deserve it, she has encountered a lot in her career.
“Their great fear? The fear that we discover the pot aux roses, and that they lose everything. Suddenly, they work even more, overinvest the spheres concerned and the vicious circle is set up.. If successful, they say it’s because they worked a lot so … “
Not to be confused with usurpers, for example false doctors or others, who make people believe in their false skills.
Origins in childhood
Parents who are too demanding, a child “never up to the task”, strong family expectations … It is the ideal breeding ground for impostor syndrome. “The ideal would be to be in the” right “, specifies Laurie Hawkes. Accompany the child without expecting too much, give him progressive tasks according to his level and not over congratulate him for trivial things. Otherwise, the day he is confronted with other children, in class for example, he will feel not so “extraordinary” as that. And the sand castle will collapse. “
Rely on evidence
Once an adult, it is important to boost their confidence by relying for example on conditional evidence, based on real and serious facts, otherwise the person suffering from impostor syndrome will not believe it.
We congratulate you on the excellent record provided? Ask your manager, for example, what exactly was right about the case (and what can still be improved). And stick to the facts!
Learn to say thank you simply
Hard, hard, to accept a simple compliment when you suffer from impostor syndrome. You have to learn to receive and just say thank you without trying (unconsciously) to devalue yourself. For example, if you are told “You’re super beautiful today”, don’t answer “It’s thanks to my dress” but “Thank you”.
Do you suffer from impostor syndrome?
- You often feel like you don’t belong Yes No
- For each assignment, you work more than all your colleagues Yes / No
- In your job, you never feel like you’ve done enough Yes / No
- You have a hard time accepting compliments Yes / No
- You find that your colleagues are better than you Yes / No
- You have a rather anxious temperament Yes / No
If you have checked several “yes”, you may be affected by impostor syndrome.
What can be done to get out of it?
It is essential to strengthen your self-confidence and to be aware of your skills. “Self-hypnosis can be interesting for re-anchoring new ideas on oneself, on condition of practicing it every day, for at least three weeks”, explains Saverio Tomasella, doctor in psychology and psychoanalyst, author of Break free from the Cinderella complex (ed. Eyrolles).
We can also repeat mantras several times during the day, such as “I am legitimate in my family”, “I am competent in my work”, always in the present tense and in the affirmative mode. We can associate with it memories or facts that attest to it in order again to inscribe this affirmation in oneself.
Do we need to consult?
It is often during therapy that the patient realizes that the brakes and fears are linked to this syndrome. “It is essential to consult when you do not feel legitimate or worthy of being loved in your marriage, because this affects the emotional brain and can lead to major difficulties in the love life”, concludes Saverio Tomasella.
Our expert : Laurie Hawkes, clinical psychologist and psychopractor, co-founder of the EAT (School of Transactional Analysis), author of 50 self-esteem exercises (ed. Eyrolles).
Read also :
- Unusual: perfectionism makes us sick
- Advice to overcome your beliefs and move forward
- 5 tips for cultivating positive thinking
