When their partner breaks up with them, men would try to make sense of that separation by telling each other stories about how it happened so they can move on.
- The participants, aged 26 to 64, lived in Canada and Australia.
- 88% of the volunteers were heterosexual, 8% bisexual and 4% homosexual.
- 64% of the men were separated or divorced at the time of the interview.
- “Breakups can lead to rejection sensitivities that increase men’s potential to commit partner violence, and in extreme cases, homicide,” according to the authors.
“Many men experience the end of a romantic relationship as a prejudice. (…) The consequences of breakups range from emotional distress with disruptions in their social status to self-harm and suicide”, said researchers from the University of British Columbia (Canada). In a study published in the journal Health Psychology Open, they recruited and interviewed 25 men who had experienced a recent separation. Their objective ? Understand how they manage to be able to turn the page after a breakup caused by their partner.
Some were “active” and others less involved in their romantic relationship
According to the team, ten participants recounted how they “went out” of the relationship when issues and arguments arose. They knew their partner would eventually break up with them, but they tried to avoid conflict. The same number of volunteers described themselves as “active people” who sought to reduce tension and discord, but their partner ended up leaving them anyway. “In both cases, the men felt stuck, with no way to improve the relationship or get out of it,” specified John Oliffe, author of the work, in a statement.
According to the results, five of the volunteers worked on themselves to understand and be able to recover from their breakup. For this, they told their relationships, which were just as painful as those of others, like a story. The latter did not reject the fault on their former partner. Instead, they held themselves accountable for their own behaviors, changed the way they acted, and found themselves better equipped to deal with the breakup and future relationships.
Breakup: “narrative therapy” can be considered to “question yourself”
“You don’t have to tell for years that you’ve been treated unfairly. Realizing that these stories aren’t helpful can help you thrive and move forward. For some men, it can be useful to consider appropriate interventions, such as narrative therapy, which aims to question and reshape stories and understanding”, explained John Oliffe.
“If you don’t have access to professional help, you can always think about how you portray yourself in the breakup story and then what you could have done better or how you want to be. show in your future relationships to build a better relationship. It is very important during the transition to reflect on what you have gained from this experience and to work on the breakup to make a new start”, he added.
