Bereavement Processing

Sooner or later we all have to deal with it. The loss of someone who means a lot to you. Your partner, your (grand)child or a good friend. After a long illness, shortly after birth or completely unexpectedly in a traffic accident. These are the most difficult moments in a person’s life. Because it means going on with your life while you miss them terribly. Pick up the thread again, while you are in a lot of pain mentally.

What is mourning?

Grieving means dealing with loss. It does not necessarily have to be a death. For example, you may also go through a grieving process if you lose your job, if you just got divorced or if the children leave home.

But for most people, there is nothing more devastating than the death of a loved one. Grieving is learning to deal with that sadness and to give it a place in your life.

Different phases

Everyone grieves in their own way. Yet most people go through some fixed phases. Usually it starts with denial. You know that someone is gone, but it doesn’t really get through to you.

Then comes the blow and you feel the pain of the loss in all its intensity. Only after that phase can you begin to emotionally adjust to a life without the deceased. It means that you gradually learn to accept the loss and move on. However, these phases can also quite intertwine.

Emotions

Grieving often brings strong feelings with it. Sometimes those emotions are so intense that you as a bereaved feel like you are going crazy. You may experience anxiety, guilt, anger, and sadness, just to name a few emotions. For some people, the blow is so big that they go into shock, as it were. Your mind then closes off from the pain and you do everything on autopilot.

Children may have a tendency to stubbornly deny the situation. They act as if their deceased father or mother could walk back in at any moment.

And while some relatives cannot talk about the deceased and invariably avoid this, others have the need to continuously retrieve memories.

Physical reactions

Precisely because emotions can be so intense after a death, you can also suffer from physical complaints. Fatigue is a common problem. Emotions eat up energy and many people sleep badly.

Exhaustion usually also brings concentration problems and quite a few people feel restless. In addition, abdominal pain, headaches and a lack of appetite are common.

How long does the mourning period last?

It is almost impossible to answer the question of how long a person normally grieves. That could be a few days or many years. Of course, it has everything to do with your personality and the role the deceased played in your life. Sometimes it is thought that someone has passed the worst shock after six months, but precisely then the loss often gets worse. In very general terms, you can say that someone has dealt with their loss if they no longer control their daily life.

What can help?

It may go without saying, but it’s important to listen to your own feelings during the grieving process. If you need to be alone, do that. If you want to talk correctly, find a friend or maybe someone from fellow sufferers contact.

Make appointments at work to temporarily relieve your tasks and tell yourself that you don’t have to function optimally for a while. Try doing things that relax you, such as walking, gardening, or exercising. And it is good to maintain some structure in your daily activities: eating at fixed times and going to bed, for example.

Surroundings

What do you actually say to someone who has just lost a partner or child? Many people find this so scary that they avoid that person altogether.

Still, it’s often enough to put a hand on someone’s shoulder or indicate that you don’t quite know what to say. Try to be there for someone without imposing yourself or giving unsolicited advice.

And put important dates, such as the birthday and anniversary of the death of the deceased, in your diary. If you let us hear from you on such days, you will notice that it is very much appreciated.