The Government recently launched the jeprotegemonenfant.gouv.fr platform to participate in the fight against the development of the consumption of pornographic images and videos. At 36, Sylvain, a computer scientist, tells us about his addiction, and how he got out of it.
– Why doctor – How the idea to create the site addict-porno.fr did she come to you?
Sylvain- I wanted to give access and centralize as much data as possible on porn addiction, because there is not much information for people who suffer from it on the web. Founding a website seemed to me to be the most appropriate way to share my research work with other patients.
Basically, I started looking for elements of understanding to deal with my own addiction to porn, connecting with other people who have it.
– When did your addiction to pornography start?
My consumption of pornography began to become problematic in 2008, when I left home to live with a roommate in Lyon. Living with my parents hampered my sexual viewing, but I already suffered from a strong addiction to screens.
– How long did your addiction last?
10 years. It started in my late teens.
– How did your addiction to porn manifest itself, at the height of your disorder?
At the time, I could no longer control my desire to watch pornography, no matter what. It had become a need, an obsession, no longer a pleasure at all. And to feel the well-being that it gave me, I had to increase my consumption. Over time, I watched more and more violent videos, especially towards women, which does not correspond at all to my values. I had no hindsight on that, I never thought about the shooting conditions.
These are the same mechanisms as with other types of drugs or with an addictive relationship with alcohol: to feel the same effects, you have to take more and more, or switch to a stronger substance.
– Were there triggers for your overconsumption of pornography?
Yes, as soon as I was bored, lonely or more generally bad about myself, I automatically started watching pornographic videos. It had become like a reflex.
My professional activity as a computer scientist also contributed to my addiction.
– How many pornographic videos did you consume on a daily basis?
At the height of my addiction, I spent two or three hours a day watching pornographic videos. And it was even worse on weekends, when I was home alone.
– What were the consequences of this addiction on your daily life?
It took up a lot of my time and kept me from enjoying life. In the morning when I got up on weekends, instead of getting into hobbies or more basic things, like going shopping, I would start by watching porn, and I would hang out in my pajamas in my apartment all day. I no longer had any motivation to do anything else. As I researched, I even came across people who weren’t eating on the weekends because of their porn addiction.
My social life has also decreased considerably. I was ashamed, I withdrew into myself.
Moreover, my sexual desire evolved towards women and practices that corresponded to pornographic films, and no longer at all with reality. I had become very difficult, it was never enough.
When I was in a relationship, I hid what I was watching from my partner, while explaining to her that it was normal to watch so much porn. I was in denial.
And in the long run, my overconsumption of pornography only accentuated my psychological malaise. It’s vicious, because originally, it was precisely to relieve my dark thoughts that I started watching pornographic films.
– When did you start taking care of yourself?
I had a very serious depression in 2017. From there, I was taken care of psychologically. A neutral listening allowed me to better control my desires, which was very difficult for me after 10 years of addition.
– What is your consumption today?
I still use porn, especially because I’m single. I think if I had a girlfriend, I would reserve a lot more of my sexual energy for her.
However, I watch far fewer videos, and spend far less time searching for them. I no longer watch violent things, and I manage my cravings better. The guilt has thus disappeared, and I am no longer in a reward mechanism.
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