Conflict, an integral part of a couple
According to many sociologists and psychologists, conflicts within a couple are normal and can even be beneficial. Indeed, a conflict is the sign that our couple is alive, dynamic and not static. To identify oneself by differentiating oneself, in a way, because to be aware of existing, of being, one needs another to oppose. In some cases, the confrontation must come to fruition. In short, conflict would be a constructive way to communicate while the desire to silence any discussion would create an unhealthy atmosphere. But conflict must not become the rule!
Why are we arguing?
It is almost inevitable to argue in a life together. Learning to divide tasks, manage two careers, practice different hobbies, raise children… is learning to accept tastes, priorities and ideas that are not always identical. Not to mention that a man and a woman do not always speak the same language.
When conflict escalates
It is neither the fact of having arguments, nor their number, nor their domains that predict the failure of a couple. Rather, it is the negative way of reacting to conflict that can be harmful. The escalation of negativity leads to typical behaviors that herald irremediable problems: criticism, contempt, defense or silence.
Learn to manage conflict
To avoid this, learn to manage conflict. The key to success: open and immediate dialogue. Arguments handled well empower us and can challenge our values and motivations in a healthy way. Finally keep in mind that you are not in a court, with a loser and a winner!
Here are some rules, certainly basic, but essential to help you in your life together:
– Do not try to transform the other
– Do not idealize the life of a couple
– Don’t be afraid to speak up (we didn’t say shout and blame!)
– Do not be afraid of conflict
– Listening to others
– Be aware that the love of the other is not acquired forever
– Do not let things go unsaid
– Knowing how to question yourself
– Learn to forgive
